


I Wanna Love (Like You Made Me Feel)

by lululawrence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, American AU, American Harry Styles, American Louis Tomlinson, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Light Jealousy, M/M, No Smut, Pining, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Ten Years Later, everyone's american sorry, just go with it, like it covers around 14 years kind of slow burn, more like 9 but that's the official tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-29 02:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21402664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: By the time Harry and Louis are eighteen years old, they've known each other all four years of high school. Through those years, they never have a real chance to spend time together just the two of them. The summer after graduation gives them that chance, and it changes just about everything.Ten years later, Louis returns home feeling like a failure after losing his job and not knowing where to go next. He never expects to run into Harry again, much less rekindle their friendship. Could this finally be their chance to finish what they started all those years ago, or did they really miss their chance at love?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 196
Collections: FOUR





	I Wanna Love (Like You Made Me Feel)

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyy, it's finally here! This fic was a labor of love, lemme tell ya. First off, it's... semi-autobiographical. A lot of aspects about this fic are my own story with my husband. Obviously there are a lot of details I changed, and we figured ourselves out a lot faster than Harry and Louis did, but the basic elements are all our own story. It was so much fun to take parts of our own story into this and be able to switch it around for this fictional version of the boys we know and love. (This is also why it takes place in Ohio and everyone's American lolllll)
> 
> Biggest thanks to [KK](https://dinosaursmate.tumblr.com) for running this fest! I've wanted to write a fic for this song for so long and you gave me the opportunity. Thank you! Thank you as well to [Nicola](https://missytearex.tumblr.com) and [Molly](https://becomeawendybird.tumblr.com) who were so wonderful to go through this fic and help me make it pretty! You're so great. I couldn't do this without you guys!
> 
> The title comes from the song 18 by a band you might have heard of called One Direction. If you haven't heard it, maybe you should. It's pretty great. ;) hehe
> 
> This fic is a work of fiction and outside of the inspiration from my own life is entirely made up using my own words. I have no connections to any of the real life people who are characters in this very made up story, please don't share it with anyone affiliated with those in the story. I also don't allow translations or reposting without my express permission, so please don't do so unless I have given you that permission.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it.

Louis stood and waited at the counter for his nachos and Dr. Pepper while his friends settled down into a booth with their own drinks. He was glad that John was finally sixteen so they were allowed to hang out at the bowling alley without a parent present. 

Nachos finally ready, Louis grabbed the food and his drink and then walked over to the rest of the group.

“Okay, but seriously, did you see Jay’s shirt?”

Rolling his eyes as the others around the table laughed raucously, Louis practically tossed the nachos onto the table before throwing himself into the seat beside John, the idiot who had just spoken.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. My mom’s hot.” Louis was  _ so _ tired of this conversation. The guys never seemed to listen to him. “I’ve asked you guys to stop talking about it, though. She deserves more respect than that, you know?”

“Sorry, man,” Calvin said. 

Oli started to open his mouth to argue, Louis was sure, but Calvin beat him to the punch by covering his mouth with his hand. 

It didn’t keep John from saying anything though.

“Okay, but seriously. If she didn’t want guys to drool over her, she’d at least wear a bra that didn’t show  _ everything, _ right?”

“You know what, no.” Louis stood up and started shifting the nachos back towards the edge of the table, right as Oli was grabbing for a chip. “She doesn’t need to do anything in order for you to be something better than the dick you are. I’m leaving and taking the nachos. Let me know when you’re ready to think with your brains.”

Louis thought he’d seen some guys about his age at the booth next to theirs, and when he turned, he saw that he was right. He walked a few steps over, set the nachos down in the middle of the table and sat himself in the empty spot beside a guy Louis was pretty sure he’d met before. He had a different name that started with a weird letter, like a Y or a Z or something.

“Hey.” Louis waved and smiled. “My friends are dicks and I don’t wanna stay over there anymore. I’ll share my nachos if you’re cool with me chilling here?”

“Uh, sure, I guess,” a guy with curly hair said from the other side of Y/Z dude. “I’m Liam, this is Zayn, over there’s Harry and Nick.”

“Zayn,” Louis said, pointing at him and then it all clicked. “I knew it wasn’t a regular name. I think we met last month at the district wide student council meeting. I’m Louis.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” The kid’s eyes brightened and he smiled. “You’re from Davidson, right? We’re from Darby.”

“Nice,” Louis said, nodding and shoving a chip in his mouth. “Seriously, I got the big platter to share with them, but they don’t deserve it. Have at it.”

“Not going to turn down free food.”

The accent coming from across the table had Louis turning in surprise. He hadn’t paid too much attention before, he was too busy making sure he wasn’t going to be kicked out of the booth, but now that he was looking properly, the guy was  _ gorgeous. _ He was tall with a smile that was slightly too large for his face and his hair nearly buzzed off. To top it all off, his accent was foreign and incredible.

“Don’t hear a voice like that every day,” Louis said, leaning forwards so he could lean his chin on his palm. “Are you British?”

“Yes,” he said, rolling his eyes. “No, I don’t know the queen. Yes, I speak English fluently. And no, I don’t know the entire cast of  _ Harry Potter.  _ Any other questions?”

Snorting, Louis smirked. “No, but if you  _ did _ know the queen or the cast of  _ Harry Potter _ I don’t think you’d be stuck in Ohio right now. Nick, right?”

Nodding and looking impressed, Nick snagged a chip. After swallowing he said, “I like this lad. He can stay. He’s got brains unlike the rest of you.”

“Heyyyyyy.”

For the first time since Louis had sat down, the young guy sitting next to Nick spoke, and Louis had to smile. He was just so…  _ cute. _

“Sorry, Haz. Not you, of course. You’re my favorite.” Nick wrapped his arm around Harry (Haz?) and pulled him into his side. 

“Stop,” Harry said, pushing Nick away. “Matt’s gonna be here soon and you know how he is.”

“Just break up with him man, he’s a douche,” Zayn muttered.

Harry pouted and crossed his arms. “He is not. I don’t know what he ever did to you, but you should try being nicer. You’re my friends and he’s my boyfriend. I deserve you at least giving him a chance.”

“What have we been doing for the past two months?” Nick asked, finally scooting away and grabbing another chip. “Zayn’s right. The guy’s a douche.”

Louis felt like he was watching a tennis match. He quietly kept grabbing nachos and eating them as best he could without bringing any attention to himself. This wasn’t really his business anyway, and it seemed like it wasn’t a new conversation.

“Harry, let’s go.”

Louis turned to look at the guy who had just shown up at the table. He’d be what Louis considered good looking… if he didn’t have a scowl on his face. The way he was looking at the others around the table with distaste didn’t make Louis like him much either.

“Who’re you?”

Realizing the guy that was probably Matt was speaking to him, Louis sat up straighter and gave him a smile. 

“I’m Louis. My friends were being dicks so I joined this lovely group instead of sticking with them.”

Scoffing, Matt just said, “These guys aren’t any better. Come on, Harry. I said let’s go.”

“Please move, Nick. Just let me go,” Harry asked quietly, and it was obvious he had been nudging at Nick to move since Matt had shown up, Nick had just been ignoring him.

“Haz, you promised you’d hang out with us tonight. We’ve barely seen you.”

Shrugging and looking down at the table, Harry said, “I don’t blame him for not wanting to be here. You guys aren’t nice to him.”

“He doesn’t seem to be nice to them either, though,” Louis said. Man, he was never able to keep his mouth shut, even when it was none of his business. “Sorry, just an observation.”

Sending Louis an angry glance, Harry shoved Nick until he finally stood up from the booth.

“Bye, Harry,” Liam said, loudly. “Maybe you can stay next time.”

Harry gave a half hearted wave over his shoulder, and left.

“That… was interesting,” Louis said.

Sighing, Zayn turned to Louis. “I think I’m ready to order the pizza we talked about earlier. D’you mind letting me out?”

“I”ll come too,” Liam said. 

Louis stood, let them out, and sat back down, now just him and Nick. Licking his lips nervously, he tried to figure out how to voice all of his questions. Or maybe if he should ignore all of those questions and instead try to flirt with Nick and see if he’s possibly interested. Seemed worth a shot.

Shaking his head, Nick said, “It’s not worth filling you in on the details. Just hope Harry figures out what we all knew from the beginning and dumps him soon.”

Nodding, Louis started humming to the song playing over the loudspeaker, and that got Nick talking excitedly about music. 

From there, the four of them had a blast the rest of the evening. Louis felt included and had so much fun he almost forgot he hadn’t known these guys before randomly sitting at their table. It was only when he realized his mom was calling him that he saw how late it was.

“Oh man, Mom’s probably pissed,” Louis muttered. Standing up and looking over the side of the booth, Louis saw that the rest of his so called friends had left without even saying goodbye and the table was cleared now. “And now I don’t even have a ride home. Great.”

“They just left?” Liam looked concerned. “Nick, since we don’t have Harry in the car now, think you could take Louis back?”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I”ll just tell my mom and maybe she can come get me if my dad’s home from work.”

“It’s really no problem,” Nick said as Louis answered his phone before it went to voicemail.

“Hey, Mom,” Louis said, wincing. “I’m so sorry. I split from the guys ‘cause they were being stupid and I lost track of time.”

“I can take you,” Nick insisted quietly. “It’s really okay.”

Smiling in thanks as his mom voiced her concern, Louis waited for her to stop before saying, “It’s okay. I found a group of guys from Darby here and have been with them instead. They said they can bring me home, so I’ll be on my way shortly?” As he said it, he looked at Nick, Zayn, and Liam making sure they were okay with it.

Nodding in response, they started grabbing the used napkins and shifting out of the booth.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Love you.” Hanging up, Louis turned to his new friends and said, “Thanks, guys. Really.”

“No problem, man. We should probably get home too.”

Smiling, Louis pocketed his phone and followed his new friends out of the bowling alley and into the crisp fall night.

*~~***~~*

“So whatever happened to Corey? I actually liked him.” Louis asked as he sat down with an extra large bowl of popcorn. They were having a big movie marathon at Nick’s house and Louis had high hopes for sitting beside him and  _ maybe _ even holding his hand tonight. He’d only been flirting with him for a year, he figured it was time for the next step.

After all, Harry was on his fourth or fifth boyfriend by now. The guy was  _ constantly _ with someone, and Louis couldn’t even keep track anymore.

“Oh, Harry broke up with him because of some lame excuse I can’t even remember now,” Liam said as he squeezed into the recliner with Zayn. “So yeah. I don’t mind Matt 2.0 that much. He’s much nicer than Matt 1.0 was, but still. He’s barely single before he’s found another guy to date. I’d be impressed if I wasn’t also a bit worried.”

“Worried?” Nick scoffed before he threw himself down on the couch, close to but just barely not touching Louis. “Why are you worried? He’s having a good time during his teenage years, just in a slightly different way from you and Zayn. I have to say I kind of envy him. It’s been ages since I’ve even had a kiss.”

Louis tried not to be obvious when he glanced down at Nick’s mouth, but he knew he didn’t hide it well. He was just lucky no one was looking at him.

“Hellooooooo!”

Louis turned towards the front door and waved at Harry and the guy Liam had dubbed Matt 2.0. Louis should probably refrain from actually calling the guy that, but he’d keep it in mind if the guy ended up being a dick like so many of Harry’s other boyfriends.

“Heya, you made it just in time,” Nick said, scooting even closer to Louis so Harry and Matt could fit on the couch with them. For the first time all evening, Louis was grateful for this new Matt. “We’re about to start the first one.”

A montage of a young Harrison Ford in khaki came on the screen and Harry gasped.

“You didn’t tell me we were doing the original Indiana Jones movies,” he said, excitedly. “Have you ever seen these?”

Matt shook his head but stayed quiet, still not having said anything.

“Well, neither have the rest of us, which is why we’re watching them now,” Nick said as he hit play and relaxed back into the couch, throwing an arm around Louis’ shoulder and grabbing a handful of popcorn. “I only agreed to it because Harrison Ford was sexy when he was young so even if I’m bored out of my mind, he’ll be nice to look at.”

“Is anyone else coming?” Harry asked as the opening credits still rolled.

“A few, but most aren’t able to make it until later,” Nick said. “We’re not waiting for them. Obviously.”

Louis snorted, causing Nick to gently nudge the side of Louis’ head with the hand that had been resting on his shoulder. Louis froze and tried to keep still so Nick might be interested in continuing to touch him. Any way would suffice, really. Louis was stupidly desperate.

Unfortunately, Nick went back to resting his arm across Louis’ shoulders, and nothing else happened. They were near the end of  _ Raiders of the Lost Ark _ and Louis was trying to subtly rest his head against Nick’s shoulder when someone knocked on the door.

“Why can’t they just come in like everyone else,” Nick complained as he stood up. “Must be Stan. He’s the only one polite enough to knock.”

“Luke would too,” Louis argued, but generally he knew Nick was right. The rest would just walk right in, despite the fact they’d only been over once before. Still, Louis had to smile. Over the past year, he’d become so close to Nick and his friends, and now he felt like their friend groups had successfully merged. He just hoped that continued after Nick graduated next spring. 

“Stan, I was right. Come on in, make yourself at home.”

It was then Stan came and sat down in Nick’s spot on the couch. Louis was about to complain when Nick sat down on the floor and leaned back against Louis’ legs. Well. At least they were still touching, so that was a win.

The rest of the night gave Louis few opportunities to flirt or try to make any progress with Nick, unfortunately. He was barely able to pay attention to the movies once Calvin and Oli showed up with Luke. Everyone got talking, and Louis couldn’t hear anything that was happening. It seemed the idea for a movie night was a bit of a bust, but it was fun all the same.

At least he’d kind of gotten the chance to cuddle with Nick a little. That was nice.

As the night wound down, Louis took the bowl of popcorn to the kitchen and Nick followed.

“Hey, thank you for helping clean up,” Nick said. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I know,” Louis said, blushing a little. “But it was easy enough. I should probably go though.”

“Yeah.” Nick stood and looked at Louis a bit, head tilted, before he pulled Louis in for a hug. 

Louis prayed and hoped and pleaded with any deity listening to him that his heart would stay calm enough that Nick wouldn’t be able to feel it. The last thing Louis needed was his rapid heartbeat giving him away when Nick initiated a hug.

“Hey, Lou… oh sorry.”

Louis pulled back from Nick and saw Stan leaving the room.

Clearing is throat, Louis said, “Thanks for tonight. We should actually try watching the other ones with a smaller group that won’t talk all the way through them.”

“Yeah, sure. Just let me know when.”

Louis smiled, and nodded before making his way out of the kitchen.

“Ready to go?” Stan asked, nodding towards the door. “Yeah, thanks. Bye, guys.”

Everyone staying waved and Louis left with Stan.

“God, what is going on with you and Nick, huh?” Stan asked as soon as they were outside and walking towards his car. 

Louis was glad Stan turned sixteen early enough to drive him around even though they were only sophomores. Louis wouldn’t have his license for at least another few months still. Sometimes, though, he wished his friend didn’t ask these kinds of questions.

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, trying to feign confusion. “Nothing’s going on, obviously.”

“Yeah, sure.  _ Obviously.” _

There was a sound from up ahead, and Louis squinted in the dark. Then he saw a mess of curls before he heard a voice that was definitely Harry’s say a curse word and lean his head back against the car hard enough to make a  _ thump _ sound.

Snickering as quietly as possible, Louis stood by the passenger door. It seemed Matt was a shy guy when around people he didn’t know, but he sure didn’t seem to be shy with Harry.

Once Stan unlocked the car and climbed inside, Louis thought about what they’d been saying before he was distracted and he took a second to gather himself. He hadn’t really admitted to anyone how big a crush he had on Nick. He’d felt drawn to him since the first night he sat at their table at the bowling alley, but they kept circling each other, never really making any progress. It was frustrating, but also had Louis feeling like he might be imagining things that weren’t actually there. That was why he hadn’t actually done anything about it yet. If Stan thought there was something, though…

After he’d buckled his seatbelt and Stan had adjusted the heat so it wasn’t blasting cold, autumn air on them, Louis turned to his best friend and finally asked what he’d been wanting to ask for a year now.

“Do you really think there might be something going on there?”

Stan glanced over at Louis and rolled his eyes. “Louis.  _ Everyone _ thinks there’s something going on there. We just don’t know why neither of you act on it.” Stan turned on the headlights, and the couple Louis had spied making out were suddenly springing apart. “Nice.”

Louis growled and leaned his head back. He didn’t care about Harry and Matt, he wanted to keep talking about Nick. “That’s exactly the issue. I really want him to make the move, so I’m trying  _ so _ hard to make it obvious, but he just… keeps doing nothing.”

“So why don’t you do something about it?” Stan suggested, maneuvering around the other cars parked on Nick’s street and heading towards Louis’. “I really can’t think that he’d say no.”

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that.”

“Actually, I think I’m supposed to be a dick and make fun of you for your crush,” Stan said, laughing. “For real, man. Just ask him out.”

“Maybe,” Louis said. They were quiet the rest of the way home.

*~~***~~*

“It’s weird not having Nick around,” Niall commented. 

Niall was a fairly new addition to the group. He’d only moved to Hilliard about six months before, but he’d quickly become as close as any of the rest of the guys.

Louis looked around the room and sighed. His fears that the group wouldn’t stay as close once Nick left were obviously unfounded, but it didn’t make things easier. They were almost halfway through their junior year now, and they were all as close as ever. It was still strange not having Nick with them all the time, though.

“Yeah, apparently Eileen surprised him and is going out to California for Christmas so he doesn’t need to spend money to come home too,” Zayn said, shrugging. “Guess we won’t be seeing him until the summer, and that’s only if he doesn’t get the internship he’s hoping for.”

Sighing, Louis scrunched his nose. Well, he’d been single since forever. He and Nick had never gotten their act together, so really there wasn’t any huge loss. He’d already found a few new guys to keep him occupied in the meantime. And when worse came to worse, he could pretend Liam or Zayn were single and crush on them.

“Please tell me those loaded fries are for everyone.”

Harry slumped down into the booth and immediately shoved a fry into his mouth without waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, go for it,” Liam said, chuckling and pushing them closer to Harry. “What’s up? Wasn’t John supposed to come with tonight? We didn’t book a lane yet because we didn’t know how long you’d be.”

“He  _ was, _ but we just broke up,” Harry said, glumly.

“Oh, man. That sucks, I’m sorry,” Niall said, leaning forward and patting Harry’s head. Louis just pursed his lips, doing his best to pull up some form of sympathy. Niall had only been here through two break ups so far, but Louis was sure he would get used to them soon enough. The rest of them were.

“Yeah, sorry, H. Better without him, you know?” Liam said. 

“Yeah. Good riddance.” Sighing, Harry looked up at them and sent them a pleading smile. “Can we please just go back to someone’s house and watch sappy movies and eat ice cream?”

Zayn was already standing, knowing what was coming. This was always how they mourned the loss of one of Harry’s boyfriends. They would watch  _ Love Actually _ and eat some Ben and Jerry’s, and Harry would be good as new with a new boyfriend in about a week.

They all stood up from the table and walked out. 

“Hey, Lou,” Niall whispered, coming close to Louis. “It would probably be kinda shit if I invited Hailee now and kinda rub it in Harry’s face that I’ve got a girlfriend? ‘Cause like… she only didn’t come since it was supposed to be a guy’s night thing, but she loves that movie and everything…”

“Yeah, I think just for tonight Harry might want us there just for him,” Louis said, smiling a little.

“K. That’s what I thought.” Putting a little pep in his step, Niall said, “Hey, Harry! Didja drive here? Can I ride with you?”

Louis was so glad Niall had joined their friend group. He sometimes needed confirmation that what he was doing was right, but overall he was so great at supporting everyone when they needed it.

Climbing into Liam’s back seat, Louis buckled up and watched the city pass as they drove over to Harry’s house. Harry was an attractive guy. It made sense that he had guys falling over themselves to be with him all the time. Louis just didn’t understand why none of them stuck around. It was usually Harry’s decision to end it, but what was the reasoning? Harry always had some sort of explanation, but Louis didn’t remember all of them over the past two years. At some point, he would have to find someone who would stick, right? Louis just hoped it wasn’t someone he hated. 

The weird thing was that Louis knew Harry was a nice guy. The past two years had taught him that, but even after all their time hanging out, he still felt like he didn’t really know him. Harry wasn’t quiet, per se, but he was often wrapped up in his boyfriends and Louis spent most of the time trying to remember their names when he hadn’t been distracted by Nick. Maybe that was what Louis needed to focus on. Getting to know Harry better.

Deciding that was exactly what he was going to try doing starting tonight, Louis looked up and realized the entire ride had passed while he’d been mulling over Harry’s dating life. 

“Hazza,” Louis yelled as he got out of the car. He ran up to Harry, who had just started having a growth spurt. He had a hard enough time keeping balanced as it was, so Louis probably shouldn’t have jumped right into his arms and wrapped his limbs around him expecting Harry to be able to hold him up on his own. But it was too late for that, Louis did it anyway and, surprisingly, Harry caught him easily and didn’t fall down.

“What’s up, Louis?” Harry asked before craning his neck and peeking around Louis’ side before starting to walk again. “Am I gonna carry you all the way in?”

“I mean, you don’t need to, but this is rather comfortable,” Louis teased. “Just kidding, put me down, you oaf.”

Once Harry’s hands released Louis’ thighs, Louis wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist and pulled him into his side. “To help you get over what’s his name, I’m going to give you all the cuddles you need tonight. Okay?” 

Chuckling, Harry leaned his head against Louis’ shoulder. “Yeah, sounds great.”

Once they’d all settled down, Louis pet Harry’s hair as he snuggled up to him. It was so comfortable and Harry smelled incredible. If he thought Harry would be single long enough to make a move himself, Louis might be tempted to. He knew there was no way Harry was interested in him, though, and that was okay. He would just enjoy the cuddles for the night and then wait to see who Harry’s next boyfriend would be.

Everything would be fine.

*~~***~~*

“Can you believe everyone else has already skipped town?” Harry asked. He sat down on the couch and then curled up so his head was in Louis’ lap. “Already gone for an early start at college or jobs or sports or whatever, and then there’s us.”

Louis chuckled. “Yeah. Then there’s us.”

“Lou?” Louis looked up and saw Lottie, the oldest of his sisters, standing in the doorway looking at him and Harry oddly. 

“Yeah?”

“Uh, hi Harry,” Lottie said shyly before looking back at Louis. “Mom said it was okay if I went over to Britney’s house, so I’m gonna head over now.”

“Okay, have fun.” Louis waved at her as she left and then relaxed. Now they had the house to themselves without worry of younger siblings wanting his attention for at least a few hours. He loved his sisters, but it was sometimes nice to get a break to just hang out with his friends.

Or friend, as the case may be.

“I’ve decided I’m gonna stay single for awhile,” Harry said out of nowhere.

Louis stopped petting Harry’s hair and looked down at him. “What’s awhile to you? Cause I’ve been single for eighteen years, and that seems like awhile for me, but for you that could be just two weeks and it’s already been one.”

“Shut up,” Harry said, smacking at Louis’ arm, but he had a smile on his face. “I’m serious. I’m gonna stay single for at least the summer. Maybe longer, I dunno.”

Louis nodded his head. “Yeah, that’s a good plan. The single life isn’t so bad, you know.”

Harry snickered and snorted softly. “Yeah, that’s what Nick says.”

“God, the way Nick does it is  _ not _ the way most of the world does it. I know he’s living in California and there’s a better selection out there and all, but it feels like he’s got a different guy in his bed every weekend.”

Harry giggled and said, “Yeah. It’s impressive, really.”

Louis hummed, then they were quiet for a minute before Louis broke the silence. “Why do you want to be single this summer? Just out of curiosity.”

Harry blew air out of his lips and made them vibrate a bit. “I dunno. I guess I haven’t really had a chance to be me by myself for a long time now, and I want to remember who I am on my own. You know?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Louis said. He kind of understood it, even if he hadn’t experienced it himself. He’d never had a boyfriend. Never had more than a few makeout sessions, actually. He felt incredibly inexperienced compared to Harry, but that was fine. When the time was right, he’d find the right guy.

“So. What are your plans for the summer?”

“I’ve got a paper route to try to save up some money before I leave for San Diego, otherwise I’m just helping out my mom with the girls as much as I can since dad left.” Louis shrugged. “And hang out with you as much as you can handle me.”

“Oh, well get used to me. I’ll basically be sleeping here and bugging you as often as possible,” Harry said, laughing. “I don’t really have anything to do this summer, so you’re going to get sick of me.”

“Doubt that,” Louis said, pulling one of Harry’s curls. They were starting to calm down a little, but he still had a few ringlets like he did when he was fifteen or sixteen. “You’re more than welcome here anytime.”

“Thanks,” Harry said, softly. “Wanna come to my place and swim for a little bit?”

Louis smiled and shoved Harry off his lap so he could run upstairs for his trunks. “Don’t have to ask me twice!”

*~~***~~*

Louis heard the screams coming from downstairs and immediately began to worry. Not that something was really wrong, but because Harry had gone down at least fifteen minutes ago for a drink of water, and he had yet to return. Fizzy and Lottie were having a combined sleepover, so he knew several things could be going awry at this point and technically he was the adult in charge until his mom got home from a late shift.

Heading downstairs, Louis was ready to hush the crowd of girls and plead with them to not wake up the twins when he saw what was happening in the living room.

Harry was in the middle of all six girls, holding a couch cushion in each hand, alternating between defending himself from the bed pillows the girls were wielding at him and attacking them viciously himself with the heavier cushions.

“What is going on down here?” Louis asked, pretending to be stern.

Then the tide turned against him.

“No, Lou! Save yourself!” Harry called, smile wide and curls wild as the girls began to scream and run towards Louis where he was still perched on the stairs.

“Hey, this isn’t fair,” Louis insisted, realizing he shouldn’t have drawn attention to himself until he had his own cushions. “Harry! Help!”

Harry tossed him one of the cushions he held and then rushed to attack the girls at the back while Louis started beating at the ones in front of him.

It didn’t take long with the two of them, the girls were only nine and eleven years old after all, but it was a lot more fun than Louis was anticipating.

“Ah hah!” Louis called, having stolen the last of their pillows and leaving them defenseless. “Do you surrender? Or is it death?”

“Surrender! We surrender!” Lottie cried, and the rest followed suit. 

Louis nodded and then tossed all their pillows back. “Okay, for real I came down to beg you to be quieter so you don’t wake the twins up.”

Harry snorted, but had the decency to mouth  _ sorry _ at Louis.

“So, what’s your plan now?” Louis asked, putting his hands on his hips and still trying to catch his breath. He was in worse shape than he realized. “I seriously need you to calm down at least a little now.”

“Can you guys join us for a movie?”

Rolling his eyes, Louis looked towards Harry, but he’d moved. Turning around, Louis saw he was already sitting on the couch beside Fizzy and her friend Caitey.

“Yeah, sure. What movie?”

The girls quickly decided on the 80s movie they were currently obsessed with,  _ Girls Just Want To Have Fun  _ and they all settled in. Louis didn’t mind spending time with his sisters and their friends every once in awhile, especially if Harry didn’t. Harry seemed to be enjoying himself a lot, singing along with the songs and gasping in surprise at all the right places. 

By the time Jay got home, just before Louis needed to leave for the paper route, all the girls had fallen asleep and Harry was yawning as well.

“Harry, just go to sleep in my bed,” Louis tried to convince him as he pulled on his shoes. Harry hadn’t originally planned on staying the night, but he wasn’t going to make him drive home at this hour. “You can have it to yourself until I’m home in a few hours. Okay?”

“No, I’m coming with you.”

Scrunching up his forehead in confusion, Louis continued putting on his shoes. “What do you mean? Coming with me where?”

“The paper route, idiot.”

“Thanks for the help you gave Lou, Harry dear,” Jay said as she gave him a tired kiss on the cheek before heading upstairs.

“No problem, Jay.” Harry turned back to Louis and held out his hand. “Well, it’ll go faster with two of us, right?”

Louis nodded reluctantly and then they went out the door.

*~~***~~*

“Oh, Harry!” Jay exclaimed as she burst into Louis’ room. “I didn’t know you stayed last night again.”

Pulling back from where he’d been accidentally spooning his friend, Louis sleepily blinked at his mom. Yawning and stretching, Louis groaned a bit before saying, “Yeah, he helped with the papers again. You leaving for work?”

“Yes, and I’m a bit late so I’m not going to be able to take the girls to swimming. Can you please do that for me? Jane’s bringing them home after.”

“Sure, Mom. Have a good shift.”

“Thanks, Lou. Be home in time for dinner.”

“How long do we have before the girls need to be at swimming?” Harry mumbled into the pillow.

Looking at his phone, Louis saw it was already 12:30. “They’ve got to be there in like ten minutes actually, we’ve got to go now.”

“Alright.” 

Harry rolled out of bed, and Louis did his best not to ogle him. It was just his boxers were  _ really _ thin and he wasn’t wearing anything else. Harry was an attractive guy, Louis couldn’t help looking when given the opportunity.

“You need someone to stay with the twins while you take Lottie and Fizzy to the pool? Or would you rather we pack everyone up and the rest of us go get something to eat?”

“What?” Louis jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts that he’d only worn for the paper route that morning. “You don’t need to help even more than you already have, Harry. You’ve been doing the route with me almost every morning for the past month.”

Shrugging, Harry pulled a shirt on and said, “Yeah, but I like it. Gives me something to do. Otherwise I’m just bored and alone at home.”

Biting his lip, Louis couldn’t deny he wanted Harry around more. Of course he did. Harry was addictive. The more he was with him, the more he needed him nearby. 

“Okay. Well, if you want to help me gather the twins too, we can all go to IHOP after we drop the older girls off.”

“Cool.”

In the end, the girls were only a couple minutes late to their lesson and IHOP wasn’t nearly as crazy as it could have been with two five year olds in tow. Louis was pleased.

“Are you two boyfriends?”

Louis choked on his spit in surprise and started coughing so hard he had to pull over so he didn’t cause an accident. 

“What?” he croaked as Harry rubbed his back. Even through the tears in his eyes he could tell Harry looked concerned. About Louis’ breathing abilities or the question Phoebe had just asked, Louis wasn’t sure.

“You and Harry. Are you boyfriends?”

That was Daisy this time. Did both of them think that?

“No,” Louis said, shaking his head. “We’re just friends. Gay guys can be friends too, you know. We aren’t dating just cause we’re both gay and get along.”

“But he sleeps in bed with you,” Daisy said, matter of factly. “He’s over a lot more than he’s ever at his own house.”

“Yeah,” Phoebe chimed in helpfully. Louis tried to turn back to the road to pull back out and drive the rest of the way home. “And we like him. We know you like him. Why aren’t you boyfriends?”

Clearing his throat, Louis shrugged and signalled before pulling back onto the road. “We just aren’t. We’re just friends.”

He didn’t know what else to say, really. He peeked over at Harry, who was blushing and smiling down at his jeans. God, he’d have to apologize for that later.

*~~***~~*

Louis was beyond mad at himself. He was  _ livid, _ really. How could he have allowed this to happen? After almost four years? What was he thinking?

He wasn’t, obviously. If he had been, he never would have started falling for the guy that was very quickly becoming his best friend.

The issue was, it had been a long time coming and he just hadn’t seen it. Which was idiotic. Stupid. Ridiculous. It was so clear now that he was looking back. From the moment Louis had decided to get to know Harry better and focus on him more than simply trying to keep track of his boyfriends, Louis should have known it would happen. But instead he’d continued going on blindly and now, there he was, two months into summer break and only weeks before they started college on opposite sides of the country, yet Louis was full on, completely and entirely in love with Harry.

The thing was, looking back on the summer, Louis wondered if Harry maybe felt somewhat the same. He’d warned Louis he would always be around, but Louis hadn’t fully believed him. Harry had kept his word, though. He was even getting up most mornings at the buttcrack of dawn to help Louis with his paper route. He slept at Louis’ house most nights, sharing Louis’ bed, and they cuddled more often than not. 

But, despite all of that, nothing really happened. Well. Louis couldn’t even say that. They always snuggled while watching movies. They were tactile in front of both of their families. They acted like Louis imagined boyfriends probably did, except they never held hands. Never kissed.

And now Louis wanted that. He wanted that with Harry  _ so incredibly badly. _ But Harry had told him that he wanted to be single for at least the summer, maybe longer. And they were going to be leaving Ohio in a  _ week _ to move incredibly far away from each other. Now wasn’t really the time to start anything, even if Harry hadn’t wanted to stay single.

So yeah. Louis was absolutely and entirely mad at himself.

None of that mattered, though. He was here now, and even if Harry wanted to be single, that didn’t mean Louis couldn’t sometimes pretend that maybe there was something there. It didn’t mean he couldn’t try to hold hands with Harry sometimes. Maybe see if he seemed interested in the possibility of a kiss.

Louis shook his head and threw the shirt he had been considering wearing into the corner. He didn’t know why he thought it was worth dressing up when he and Harry were just going to a movie. It wasn’t a date, it was just two friends hanging out. No one to impress.

Still. It was Harry. And Louis had just decided that if he wanted to, he could pretend it was a date. Right?

Looking over his shoulder, Louis saw his red, fitted scoopneck and walked back over to it. Picking it up, he threw it on before he could change his mind again and walked out the door of his room.

“Oof!”

“Harry?” Louis asked, pulling back from where he’d just run into Harry, forcing him to wrap his arms around Louis’ waist.

“Yeah, sorry. Mom and Robin went out so I was ready earlier than I thought I would be and thought I’d just come over now.” 

Harry still hadn’t moved his hands from Louis’ waist, and he didn’t know why but he also didn’t want to question it. Because of that, Louis realized they were very close to each other, especially when Harry leaned into his neck and sniffed.

“You smell good, Lou. Is that a new cologne?”

Oh God. Harry could tell for sure that he had put effort into this. Louis was such an idiot.

“Uh, nah. I just don’t wear it that much really, but figured why not.”

Harry smiled widely at him before finally letting go of Louis and turning around so they could head downstairs. “Well, I like it. You should wear it more often.”

Nodding, Louis knew he would now that he knew Harry liked it. He would soak every item of clothing he had in the stuff if necessary.

“We’re leaving a little early, Mom! See you later!”

Louis closed the door behind them before he could hear her answer and was about to head to the van when Harry grabbed his arm.

“I can drive us tonight since it’s just the two of us.”

Louis looked to where Harry’s car was sitting at the curb and smiled. He’d actually never been in Harry’s car before. It made the night feel even more special.

“Yeah, okay,” Louis said with a smile. 

Harry walked over to the passenger side and held it open for Louis, bowing a little at the waist. “Here you are, good sir.”

Louis curtsied a little before sliding in with a laugh. “Why thank you! I never would have figured out how to work that highly technical contraption without you.”

Harry let out one of his loud guffaws that Louis loved knowing he caused. It always made him feel like he’d accomplished something when he got Harry to laugh that hard. 

“Okay, let’s go.” Harry started up the car, and Britney Spears began to blast from the speakers. Harry reached out to adjust the volume, but paused before looking at Louis. “You don’t mind, do you?”

As  _ Toxic _ played, Louis knew he’d let Harry play anything he wanted. Besides, he didn’t mind Britney too much.

“That’s fine, H. Whatever you want.”

Flashing his brilliant smile, Harry finally dropped his hand that was resting on the volume knob and put the car into drive. 

The rest of the night, Louis felt like he was in a dream. Harry insisted on paying for their tickets and bought them a large popcorn and drink to share. At one point, Louis was starting to wonder if Harry was working up to holding his hand during the movie as well. He was so attuned to every slight movement Harry made and the way his skin was more and more regularly brushing against Louis’ that he honestly couldn’t recall any details about the movie. 

That didn’t matter. Not when he could give in depth descriptions of the way the back of Harry’s hand was so soft, like he’d made sure to moisturize before he picked Louis up. Not when he had goosebumps covering his entire body and his heart was racing because Harry had definitely just spread his pinky out so it ran down the entire length of Louis’ hand. Not when Harry shifted to his left so their shoulders were touching and the entire length of their arms were touching, only leaving their hands to finally intertwine.

Did this mean that Harry felt the same as Louis? Did he feel like there was a future with them? Like maybe they could start something, despite the fact that they were leaving for college in a week? Normally Louis wouldn’t make that big of a deal about something like that, but Harry was going to be attending Georgetown and Louis was going to the total opposite side of the country and would be attending Berkeley. That was quite the distance to try to broach, especially for a new relationship.

Louis pushed that from his mind and allowed himself to rejoice in the fact that Harry was holding his hand. Oh God, Harry was finally holding Louis’ hand! Louis smiled down at where he could see the shadowy outlines of their hands, clasped together tightly. He tentatively ran his thumb down Harry’s and felt him lean into him further. Yeah. That was what he needed to focus on right now. How  _ right _ it felt.

When the movie ended, Louis reluctantly let go of Harry’s hand and stood up, before giving him a shy smile. Harry was blushing in the low lights, but he looked just as happy. God, it would be so amazing if something was actually happening with them. 

They didn’t say anything, but after throwing away their drinks and popcorn, Harry reached out and took Louis’ hand again, squeezing it gently. That was all Louis needed, really.

Harry didn’t let go the entire drive home, and Louis was slowly starting to feel like he was floating. Parking on the street, Harry looked over at Louis. “Is it okay if I stay over again? I’ll help with the papers and everything. I just wanna spend as much time with you as I can before we leave for school.”

Louis nodded, glancing down at Harry’s lips before he offered a smile. “Of course. Come on in.”

His heart was racing. Would tonight be the night of their first kiss? Would they wait a little longer for that? Louis didn’t want to wait, he’d already waited this long and they were leaving in a  _ week. _

Harry once again took Louis’ hand as they walked up to the house, dark since it was so late. The door was left unlocked for them, so Louis locked it behind them and then guided Harry upstairs.

He could feel the tension as they stripped down to their boxers to sleep. It was something they’d done countless times that summer, but it felt like it  _ meant _ something this time around. He felt like he was allowed to look this time. 

So he did. And Harry looked back. Louis had never felt so desirable, so attractive, as he did with Harry watching him so intently. Swallowing harshly, Louis walked up to Harry after they’d been standing in their underwear for a time. 

Putting his hands on Harry’s hips, Louis asked, “Is this okay?” Harry nodded and his eyes drifted down to Louis’ lips. “Can I kiss you?”

Nodding again, Harry looked eager, but then hesitated. His brows furrowed, like he wanted to say something, but despite holding his breath, he didn’t actually say anything.

“What is it? You can say anything. I want you to be comfortable.”

Giving Louis a smile, Harry said, “I just… I want to kiss you. So bad. But I also am not ready to move past that, you know? I don’t want to do anything more when we have so little time together right now. I’m not ready for that.”

“That’s fine, Harry. Really. I’m not…” Louis chuckled and looked down at their feet. “It’s not like I’ve ever done anything with anyone anyway. I’m not expecting anything more. Just some kisses and cuddles.”

When Louis finally had the courage to look up again and see what Harry thought of the fact that he was still a virgin, Harry’s mouth crashed against his.

Literally. Louis grunted in pain a little, while Harry pulled back and immediately began apologizing.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” 

Harry tilted Louis’ head up out of concern, but Louis couldn’t help laughing. It had jarred his teeth a little, but otherwise he was fine and ready for another attempt.

“I’m fine. Give that another try? Maybe a little gentler this time?”

Louis arched his brow and Harry nodded eagerly again. “Yeah. Sorry. Again.”

The second time, they both leaned in slowly, allowing their lips to make gentle contact before they pressed in further. 

It was so much better than Louis had ever imagined it might be, especially after their rough beginning. They moved slowly, tentatively, and Louis was fine with that. He’d kissed a few guys, but not many, and he was happy for the practice with Harry. Especially if the way Harry’s mouth moved against his, the way his hands were tracing the dips and curves of Louis’ back and sides, made him feel this alive.

It probably only lasted a minute or two, it was rather chaste as far as kisses go, but for Louis it felt like he’d lived a lifetime in that kiss. Louis breathed in deeply as Harry leaned his forehead against his, chuckling lightly.

“What?” Louis asked, amused yet a bit concerned that Harry was  _ laughing _ after their kiss.

“Just…” Harry shook his head and pulled back a little. “We’re gonna do that as much as possible before we leave, right?”

Louis laughed before checking the time. “I mean, we do need to be up in just a few hours for the paper route, so maybe not right at this very minute, but tomorrow? Absolutely.”

“Good.” Harry gave Louis a lopsided smile before pulling away from him and letting his hand drag down to where it could grasp Louis’. “Let’s get to bed.”

Tonight, they started out cuddling on purpose instead of subconsciously allowing themselves to drift closer to each other later.

It was the best night Louis had experienced in his eighteen years.

*~~***~~*

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Louis nodded as he clung to Harry. So much had changed over the summer, he wasn’t really sure how. He’d gone from Harry being someone he was close with, possibly even his best friend, to them being basically inseparable and now he was fairly certain he was in love with him. One week of making out was not enough.

“Yeah,” Louis breathed into Harry’s neck. He loved the way Harry smelled. He never really wore cologne anymore, but whatever bodywash he used always left him smelling fresh and clean. “You’ll still text and stuff, right?”

“I’m not gonna disappear off to a third world country, Lou,” Harry teased, nuzzling into Louis’ temple and giving him a light kiss there. “I’m just gonna be on the other side of the country. I’ll be texting so much you’ll wish I’d stop.”

“Doubt it,” Louis whispered before pressing a kiss at the juncture of Harry’s neck and shoulders. He loved how every time he did it, Harry shivered a little bit. 

“Louis, we’ve gotta get going. We don’t wanna hit traffic on our way to the airport.”

Louis pulled back from Harry and nodded at his mom. 

“Bye, H. See you at Christmas.”

Harry nodded and hesitated before he finally surged forward and gave Louis a quick peck on the lips. Then, Louis stood frozen in his driveway while Harry walked to his car without another word and drove away.

“Come on, loverboy,” Lottie said as she dragged Louis to the car. “I can’t believe he just kissed you in front of us like that. Oh my God, he’s so in love with you.”

Louis nearly choked on his tongue at the same time he tripped over his feet climbing into the back seat. Lottie had claimed the front seat while he was distracted with Harry, but it was well worth it in his opinion. But… Harry? In love with Louis too? It felt too good to be true.

“I can’t believe I’ll be without both of my babies for a whole week,” Jay said with a sniffle.

“You’ll be fine. It’ll be like we’re visiting Grampa,” Lottie said as she checked her hair in the mirror. 

Louis rolled his eyes. He was sure she was just excited to be allowed to visit California with Louis as he got settled into his dorm. Their uncle lived in Oakland, but they’d never had enough money to go visit him. When Louis got accepted into the Computer Science program at Berkeley with a full ride, it had been a no brainer. Uncle John had automatically offered to pick them up from the airport, host Lottie at his place, and show her and Louis around a little bit before Louis would have to start school and Lottie would fly back to Ohio, with John accompanying her instead. It was the perfect set up for Jay, who couldn’t afford to fly the whole family out but also didn’t want to send Louis out there alone. Louis couldn’t complain too much, either.

Check in went quickly and smoothly, and once they were settled into their seats near the back of the flight, Lottie pulled herself away from the window for long enough to look at Louis.

Well. She didn’t just look. No, she was a Tomlinson and had picked up every bit of sass and attitude that the rest of them had been blessed with.

“So what’s going on with you and Harry?” she finally asked when it became clear that Louis wasn’t going to start the conversation.

Groaning, Louis scooted down in his seat and did his best to ignore the safety instructions from the air steward. “Nothing. We’re just friends.”

Lottie arched her brow and gave Louis a smile that made her look much older than her twelve years.

“Sure. Friends who kiss each other goodbye. Friends who sleep in each other’s beds every night. Who are often caught spooning in the morning. Friends that I’ve heard making some pretty loud groans when they think everyone else is asleep.”

Louis’ eyes widened and he turned to her. “You heard us?”

Giggling softly, Lottie gave Louis an indulgent smile before she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Yes. You guys were never quiet when you got back from the paper route. He must be a pretty good kisser, huh?”

Scrubbing his hands down his face, Louis figured he might as well. What did he have to lose? They were stuck on a six hour flight. Besides, Louis wouldn’t even see her again until Christmas and she’d probably forget it all by then.

“Yeah, he’s a really great kisser, actually,” Louis finally admitted.

Lottie hummed then said, “Wanna talk about him? We’ve got time.”

Taking a deep breath and feeling a little like one of those gossipy teenage girls in the ridiculous movies Harry always wanted to watch, Louis started to talk about Harry.

The issue was, once he started he felt like he couldn’t stop. He just kept telling her  _ everything. _ About how he really hadn’t expected this summer to turn out how it did, and how there was so much more to Harry than what he had even realized before.

Finally, Louis sighed and looked out the window, seeing mountains and desert below them. Who knew how much longer they had until they landed, but it felt like he’d been talking for hours with Lottie just asking more and more questions. It was nice to get it all off his chest and have her actually be interested without teasing him.

“I just… I feel like now everything is at a stand still. I feel like there’s something really special between us, but with something stupid like three thousand miles between us, there’s no way I can act on it yet. But, I was thinking, if we are able to keep talking and continue to hold onto some feelings like what we had over the summer, I was thinking I could ask him if he wanted to give long distance a try when we come home for Christmas.”

“Awwwwwww,” Lottie cooed, clapping lightly. “That would be so adorable, Lou. You two really are so, so cute. And we all like him so much. We’d love to have you two date. Mom already thinks you are.”

“What?” Louis asked, doing his best to keep his voice down. 

“Oh come on,” Lottie said, rolling her eyes. “She found you two cuddled up and what looked like naked most mornings when she came in to check on you. What else was she supposed to think?”

“I… that…” Louis blinked and shook his head. He had no idea what else she was supposed to think. If that was what she had assumed, why had she allowed Harry to continue to stay over? She hadn’t even bothered to give Louis a passing remark about safe sex through the entire summer. She’d done far more than that before both Homecoming and Prom, and Louis hadn’t even had dates to those dances. “Yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense. I just… didn’t think about it, I guess.”

“Obviously,” Lottie said, yawning. “Do you have more to say, or can I nap a little bit before we land?”

“Go ahead and nap, I’ve talked for long enough.” Louis had plenty to continue thinking about before he was going to be ready to talk more about Harry, anyway.

*~~***~~*

Louis hated Berkeley. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh when he’d only been there for a month and a half. His mom kept telling him he needed to give it at least a full year before he made any rash decisions, but he really did dislike it there.

Everyone felt so  _ fake.  _ Like they were out there to prove how smart and how competitive they were. That they’d earned their place. 

Of course they had. Otherwise they wouldn’t have been accepted. Why did it matter past that?

Louis’ roommate was okay, or so he thought. He was a fairly nice guy named Adam who had quickly made friends with others in their building that were also from Texas. Louis had thought that there was something insane and powerful about the bond between Ohio State fans, but it was nothing compared to the fervor Texans had for their state.

The thing with Adam was that he had quickly shown that he came from a family with money, and so did the other Texans he’d formed a bit of a clique with. They’d all invited Louis to join in with their activities, and Louis did when he didn’t need to study or work on a project, but he never felt fully comfortable. People kept making comments that made him feel incredibly self conscious of his weight even though he was perfectly healthy, or they’d flippantly talk about clothing brands Louis hadn’t even heard of before because he was happy to be able to afford something from Old Navy.

Tonight took the cake, though. Louis had heard from a classmate that a new haunted house had opened only about twenty minutes from campus. It was supposed to be far better than the haunted maze that was closest to campus, so Louis had immediately gone home and googled for more information. He’d presented the idea at dinner, and everyone had jumped on it. Opening night, they’d gather a group of about twenty of them and split up amongst those that had their cars with them, and go out to the haunted house.

Opening night was a Thursday, though, and Louis had expressed concern that his coding class wouldn’t let him out in time to head over with the rest of them. Adam had insisted that they would wait for him and everything would be fine.

But obviously it wasn’t. Louis had rushed back from class only to find their room dark with no sign of his roommate. He walked over to a few of the other rooms where they usually gathered, but all of them were empty. Louis sent a few texts, got no replies, and when he went down to see if he could find Miranda’s boat of a car in the freshman lot, it was nowhere to be found.

Louis, the one who had come up with the idea in the first place, had been left behind. It felt fairly purposeful. It also felt incredibly shitty.

Louis hastily wiped the lone tear that had fallen from his face and stalked back to his room. It wasn’t like he’d felt like he really belonged anyway, but this was the last he was going to try to be with that group. He had no idea who he would hang out with instead, but he was sure he’d find someone. He’d just have to branch out all over again.

It was exhausting just thinking about the prospect.Taking a deep breath, Louis let himself back into his room and booted up his laptop. He had no idea what he was going to do, but maybe he could find some mindless show on Netflix that would help him forget how horrible his night had turned out to be.

The first suggestion when he logged on was one of Harry’s favorites:  _ Notting Hill.  _ Louis felt an ache in his chest thinking about Harry and how they hadn’t talked much that week, so he hit play and picked up his phone.

_ Louis: Hey. How’s your Thursday? _

He wasn’t sure if Harry would even answer. He’d quickly fallen into a healthy social life and most nights it left him busy enough to not notice if his phone vibrated in his pocket. Louis understood and was happy for him, he just wished that he himself could fall into the same kind of friend group. He wished he wasn’t so forgettable all the time.

_ Harry: Not great, I’ve got a flu or something. How about yours? _

Louis pouted at his phone, feeling even worse now.

_ Louis: Oh no!!! I wish I was there to give you chicken noodle soup or whatever you need. You have friends or roommates taking care of you at least? _

The bubble indicating Harry was answering popped up immediately, so Louis didn’t even lock his phone now.

_ Harry: Yeah, it’s fine. Just feel gross. You didn’t answer my question though. How’s your night going? It’s still early there, you have plans? _

Louis snorted. 

_ Louis: I don’t really wanna get into it. It just really sucks. _

Almost immediately, Louis’ phone started vibrating with an incoming call. The photo Louis had almost forgotten he had set for Harry’s contact of the two of them cuddled up together in bed took up the full screen, and Louis lost himself in it and the happiness he’d felt being held by Harry until he almost sent the call to voicemail.

“Shit,” Louis mumbled, swiping the screen. “Hey, you didn’t have to call when you’re so sick.”

“I know,” Harry replied, sounding every bit as sick as he’d made it seem. “But you’re down, Lou. What’s going on?”

Louis started crying and he felt ridiculous. He was eighteen years old. He wasn’t even homesick, not really. He was Harry-sick. He missed his best friend, the man he loved. He wanted to be held and appreciated and shown that he wasn’t lesser or someone to be left behind. He was worthy and good and just hearing Harry’s voice was bringing all of that to the forefront now, even with him blowing his snotty nose on the other end of the line.

“Are you crying? Don’t tell me you’re crying.”

“Of course I’m not crying, I’m not a baby,” Louis said, sniffling. 

“Sure you aren’t. But you sound just as bad as me, now. What happened?”

Louis took a shuddery breath and blew it out before explaining everything.

“What the fuck?” Harry cried out, making Louis choke a little in surprise. He’d never heard Harry cuss more than an errant  _ damn _ or  _ hell _ before. “That’s ridiculous! Who are these people? Tell me first and last names. A kid I go to class with? His dad is with the CIA. I’m sure that we could find out information about them and start to really tear them down and make them feel like shit for treating you like that.”

Harry was so worked up that he started coughing near the end, barely able to get his words out.

Louis laughed a little, before having to blow his nose again. He’d successfully stopped crying finally, though, so he’d call it a win.

“I’m not giving you any names. Just, thanks for calling, I guess. It’s nice to feel like someone actually wants to talk to me.”

“Of course I do,” Harry whined before coughing some more. “For real, though, do you have anyone else you can be friends with there?”

Louis shrugged even though he knew Harry couldn’t see him and stared at his laptop. Hugh Grant’s roommate was walking around in his underwear with some goggles again, and it made Louis giggle a little remembering how much Harry loved him as a character.

“Lou? Do you have anyone you could try to eat meals with or whatever at all?”

Clearing his throat, Louis twisted his mouth. “Not really. But I’ll figure something out.”

Sighing, Louis could hear some rustling on Harry’s end of the line and then he sounded different.

“Did you just put me on speaker phone?”

“Yeah, shut up. When do you usually eat your meals?”

“I dunno,” Louis said, skeptically. “It varies by day. Why?”

“Just tell me, stop asking so many questions. God,” Harry was sounding annoyed, but Louis truly didn’t understand why. It’s not like he was properly explaining himself or anything.

“Tomorrow’s Friday, so all I’ve got is my early stats class. I’ll eat breakfast at about eight, if I make it on time, and then lunch I usually try to go around eleven after class. No idea for dinner. Is that exact enough?”

“Yep,” Harry said, sounding happy, if not still stuffy. “I’m gonna call you during both of those meals and give you challenges. You have to perform the challenges I give you, or there will be a price.”

Louis scoffed. “What kind of price?”

“You’ll see, but you won’t like it. Just take my word for it, okay?”

Sighing, Louis agreed. “So, what are you doing now?”

*~~***~~*

Louis pulled his jacket tighter around him as he quickly made his way back to his dorm room. He’d finished the last of his finals and in a matter of hours he would be leaving for the airport to head home for three weeks. He was so happy to go home and have a break.

The semester had been hard. Of course his classes had been difficult, but he’d loved those. They were challenging in just the right way and he found himself looking forward to the work he was given so he could push himself. No, the hardest part had been the fact that over the past two months since The Event with the haunted house, Louis still didn’t feel like he’d found his place.

Harry had tried his best to help following everything. He talked to Louis almost every mealtime and gave him different challenges, like sit with a random group of people or find someone else who was sat alone, but it was always awkward enough that Louis stopped trying his tactics after just a couple of days. He would just do the best he could to pretend he wasn’t lonely and friendless for the rest of the semester.

Actually. A couple weeks ago, someone had finally approached  _ him _ in the cafeteria and asked if they could sit at his table with a few of their friends. He was confused, it was around two in the afternoon and there were plenty of tables. All the same, he allowed them to sit down, and he was easily brought into the conversations.

They were a bit of a modge podge group, people from all across the country with interests that didn’t seem to match up with each other very well, but they seemed to be good friends and more than willing to let Louis join them. He’d even gone with them for what they called their “Finals Week Midnight Celebrations” which just consisted of them taking advantage of the late hours offered in the cafeteria while they all took a break from studying. He wasn’t sure they were the friends he’d been searching for, but they were nicer than pretty much anyone else he’d found on campus yet, so he would take it.

He wouldn’t have to worry about all of that for three weeks, though. Because tonight he would be arriving back home in Ohio where he would be surrounded by real friends who had known him for years. Particularly Harry.

Harry was actually the one who would be picking him up from the airport. His finals had finished a week earlier, and Louis was happy that his mom wouldn’t be forced to run to the airport at the ungodly hour (for her) of two in the morning.

The thought of Harry waiting for him in Ohio had Louis picking up his pace that much more. He was happy to find his room empty, so he turned on the radio to the student indie station and finished packing what he hadn’t been able to while he studied.

In what felt like no time at all, Louis was letting Christmas songs all about romance and going home for the holidays run through his head as the plane descended over his hometown. Grabbing his carry on from overhead, Louis waited as patiently as he possibly could before disembarking and making his way past the last of the security gates.

“Louis!”

Turning to the left, Louis saw Harry running full speed at him around the few other people waiting for their loved ones. Louis was glad his carry on was a backpack so he could run towards Harry too and jump into his arms. Just as he expected, Harry caught him and spun him around a little before letting him down.

“God, I’ve fucking missed you,” Harry said, pulling back and gently placing his hands on Louis’ face. Louis wondered if Harry would greet him with a kiss, they were close enough and everything so far made it seem like he would, but he just laughed and pulled Louis in for another tight hug. “So glad you’re home.”

“Thanks,” Louis said. He was a little disappointed he didn’t get the kiss, but it was his first night home. There was still time for them to pick up where they’d left off and have the talk Louis had been thinking about for months. He really did want to broach the topic of trying a long distance relationship, but now wasn’t the time. For now, he just wanted to soak in the presence of the man he loved.

“Tell me all about your flight.”

Louis rolled his eyes as he followed Harry out to the car. “It was a boring flight. I didn’t talk to anyone, mostly just napped when I could and otherwise was humming Christmas songs or thinking about you.”

“Awwwwwww, aren’t you just so sweet?” Harry cooed as he pinched Louis’ cheek. “You’re probably exhausted, though. Ready to sleep for like two weeks straight?”

“Yeah, basically,” Louis said, sighing. “I’ve got Lottie’s band concert tomorrow night, though, so I’ll just settle for sleeping for like 14 hours and go from there.”

“Oh yeah, am I still invited to that? Gemma wanted to come too.”

“Gem’s home?” Louis asked, as they climbed into Harry’s car. It felt like nothing had changed with them sitting in his car again. “Yeah, of course you are. The girls would love having the two of you there.”

“Great.” Harry flashed a smile at Louis and maneuvered out of the parking spot. The two of them settled into a comfortable quiet as Harry navigated the mostly empty freeways with ease and Louis became mesmerized with the way the streetlights faded in and out on Harry’s face and curls.

He was doing his hair a bit differently now, almost like it was some curly version of a quiff, but it suited him. It was a little more wild than the mess of curls it had been, obviously filled with product, but still Harry.

“Lou? Wake up.”

Louis moved a bit and looked around. He was still in Harry’s car, but now parked in front of his house. He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep. He must have at some point while watching Harry drive.

“Oh, sorry,” Louis said before stretching and yawning. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“That’s okay,” Harry said, smiling at him. 

“Coming in?” Louis asked, nodding to the house. He’d assumed Harry would follow him in and climb into bed with him like they’d done most of the summer. 

“Oh, uh, nah. Not tonight. Probably not gonna be staying the night this break. Spending as much time with family as I can while I’m home and all, ya know?”

“Oh,” Louis said, nodding and pushing away yet more disappointment as he gathered his backpack and opened his car door. “Okay. Well sleep well and I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, bye, Lou.”

Harry waited for Louis to get inside the house before he drove away, leaving Louis in his childhood home, feeling both more relaxed and happy as well as sadder and lonelier than he’d expected.

*~~***~~*

Harry was acting weird and Louis was getting annoyed. He’d been home for a week and they hadn’t gotten close to kissing even once. They’d barely cuddled. He got tight hugs every time they saw each other or said goodbye, but things felt weird. 

Louis had tried to hold Harry’s hand during Lottie’s concert, thinking it was all sneaky like with the lights low and everything, but Harry had quickly squeezed Louis’ hand before pulling his hand away and into his lap. Louis had tried snuggling up to him a few nights later when all the guys had gotten together to watch  _ Elf _ and catch up about college, but Harry had quickly found an excuse to get up and leave the room. When he came back, he settled on the floor next to Liam and Zayn instead of by Louis. Louis was annoyed, yes, but he was also hurt. 

Why was Harry acting like this? All their texting and phone calls had made it seem like nothing had changed between them, but obviously, at least for Harry, something had. Why wouldn’t he just say something?

Louis’ birthday was drawing closer, and he didn’t want the weight of all of this hanging over his birthday and Christmas. Especially when Harry’s family was coming over for most of Christmas Day.

Harry had feigned a headache and said he was staying in when Louis had asked if he wanted to watch  _ Love, Actually _ together, and that was the last straw. Harry would do anything for that movie, including sit through it with a headache, so Louis needed to confront him.

Which brought him to Harry’s house. Louis could see Harry’s silhouette moving around their living room, so obviously his headache wasn’t too bad. Shutting off the van, Louis climbed out and walked up to the door. For the first time in over a year, Louis bothered to knock and wait for it to be answered. He didn’t really feel like they were at a point for him to just knock and walk in like they used to be, and that hurt possibly worse than everything else already had.

“Louis,” Gemma said in surprise, pulling him in for a hug before letting him inside. “Harry didn’t mention you were coming over tonight.”

“Oh, it’s ‘cause he didn’t know. Can I talk to him?”

Looking at Louis with confusion, Gemma nodded and looked over her shoulder. “Harry! Door’s for you!” Turning back to Louis, she said, “See you later,” before going upstairs.

“Louis, what are you doing here?”

Louis looked around and could tell Anne and Robin were walking around the kitchen. It was fairly warm out tonight since they were having a bit of an Indian summer, so Louis nodded towards the door. “Mind coming out for a bit of a chat?”

Harry chewed on his bottom lip before nodding. He reached for his jacket and slipped on a pair of shoes before following Louis to the porch. 

Anne had put up a porch swing a few years ago, so Louis headed towards that, knowing Harry would follow. Once they settled down, Louis looked at his hands in his lap and tried his best to gather his thoughts. He really should have thought more about what he would say, but he knew if he overthought it all he would just put off actually talking to Harry and he needed to get through it.

“What’s going on, Harry?” Louis finally said, looking up from his lap and at his best friend. “You’ve been acting off ever since I came back. It’s fine if things have changed, but I just want to know what’s going on.”

Harry looked guilty for a minute before he pursed his lips and looked out at the yard.

“Things have kind of changed, yeah. But they’ve also kind of stayed the same.”

Snorting, Louis said, “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you’re still my best friend and I still care for you a lot,” Harry said, shifting in the swing enough that it threw off the gentle rocking motion they’d started. “But it also means that I don’t feel like I’m in a place where I can kiss you and hold hands and sleep in the same bed as you.”

“Ah,” Louis said, nodding his head. “Well, thanks for being honest about your feelings.”

“It’s not like I don’t like you like that or anything,” Harry said, reaching out for Louis as he tried to stand up. “Of course I do. But we’re on opposite sides of the country, Louis. Will we ever even live in the same city as each other again? You want to get a career in Silicon Valley and I want to be a political journalist. I just thought I was being realistic, you know?”

As Louis thought about what Harry was saying, he had to nod in agreement. He’d assumed that if things went well with them long distance during college, they’d figure something out. Louis would be more than happy working somewhere else that allowed Harry to do what he loved so they could be together, but if Harry wasn’t willing to compromise those things and didn’t think they were something that could last with that, then Louis figured it wasn’t really worth holding onto either.

“And… I’m kind of dating someone,” Harry added quietly.

That made Louis turn his head towards Harry so fast, he felt a jolt of pain from the movement. “What?” he asked, in surprise. “But… you never said anything.”

“I didn’t want to jinx it,” Harry said, almost like a question. His face was screwed up, like he didn’t really understand why he’d hidden it either. “It’s so early, I wasn’t sure, but it does feel like we’ll probably be ready to be exclusive after Christmas break.”

Louis blinked quickly so he wouldn’t accidentally let any tears out in front of Harry, but he couldn’t help it. The logical way of thinking that Harry had offered at first hurt, but made sense. The fact he was seeing someone and already moving on from Louis when they’d barely had a chance at anything and failed to tell Louis anything about it definitely left Louis feeling like there was a hollow space in his chest. 

No, that wasn’t quite right. It was more painful than that. It wasn’t that his heart was missing, because he could definitely feel it. It was more like it was burning, maybe. His chest felt a bit like it was on fire even as his heart continued to push blood out to his extremities, and if that wasn’t the worst juxtaposition of all, Louis didn’t want to know the other options.

“Right,” Louis said, clearing his throat since he could feel his voice was close to breaking thanks to the emotions roiling within him. “Well, thanks for telling me so I could stop making a fool of myself.”

“You really weren’t, though, Lou,” Harry said, reaching a hand out in what Louis was sure was meant to be a soothing gesture. Right now he wanted literally  _ anything _ other than Harry physically trying to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Harry. Thanks for telling me. I’ll let you be now. Night.”

Louis stood up and tried to move rapidly to cover the fact he was shaking a little bit in disappointment. He really didn’t think he’d ever be able to face Harry again if Harry knew how much he’d hurt him. But God, he really had.

Harry was one of the only reasons Louis had survived this semester from hell. Louis had clung so hard to the hope that he and Harry could be forever, that maybe they could finally find the right balance for them and make things work long distance until they could find a way to be together again, but now it was all gone. Any and all chances were ripped away from him before he had even had a fair shot.

Fuck. He’d fallen in love with a kid at the age of eighteen like some kind of cliche and now Harry had broken Louis’ heart just like he had all of his ex-boyfriends from High School. Louis should have known, really. Should have known he wasn’t any different. Wasn’t any more special than the rest of them. 

He’d just thought that since they had friendship - and a close friendship at that - before they’d gotten to that point that maybe… well. It didn’t matter now.

Really, Harry was right. It would be much easier for both of them not having to worry about how they would make the distance work as well as how they would find a way to be together after they graduated. Harry had done them a favor, really.

Louis’ heart didn’t believe him just yet. The tears running down his face and the fact that he was having a hard time breathing as he tried to hold back the worst of his crying until he was done driving were physical evidence of that. But he knew that given time, it would.

Hopefully.

*~~***~~*

Louis was really fucking owed something by the universe at this point. He’d officially given up on trying to get over Harry by going on dates with other people. He’d deleted all apps within a month of being back at school, and threw himself into his studies instead. He had already been doing well as it was, but now he was excelling in every single subject. Some of his professors had helped tip him off for various summer internships as well, and one of them through Apple was  _ paid.  _

He knew his family would be sad he wouldn’t be there over the summer, but Louis needed to not be home. He didn’t think he could handle a reminder of everything that he’d had last summer with Harry that he definitely wouldn’t have this summer. He didn’t know if Harry himself would be returning to Ohio or not, they hadn’t texted or talked on the phone at all since Harry’s birthday. They’d awkwardly tried the first month of being back, but everything was stilted and unnatural, not to mention their schedules hardly lined up at all the second semester. It made sense that they just stopped trying, especially since the free time Harry had had before was basically nonexistent now thanks to his boyfriend.

Leg bouncing, Louis checked his email again. He’d already been accepted for one of the internships with Disney, but it was in the gaming section of their graphics department and that wasn’t what Louis was hoping to specialize in. He would accept if he wasn’t offered any of the other internships, but the rest were focused on programming which was much more his line of interest.

Still nothing. That was okay. Louis had a project due next week for his astronomy class that he could distract himself with. 

Putting on his noise cancelling headphones, Louis queued up Holst’s  _ The Planets _ in the hopes of inspiration and then got started.

He had no idea how much time he had lost, but when he looked up later he saw it was dark out and he still hadn’t had dinner. It was nearly nine, and the cafeteria was only open for another hour. 

Closing his laptop and stretching, Louis grabbed a sweater and other necessities before jogging out the door. Unlocking his phone, Louis opened his email again and this time there was an email from the Apple recruiter he’d been waiting all week to hear from.

“Please, please, please,” Louis muttered as he clicked on it. His heart was racing and he almost wanted someone else to read it for him, but that wasn’t really an option right now. 

Instead, Louis went and sat down on the bench outside the cafeteria so he could focus on what he was reading.

“Louis Tomlinson, We are pleased to offer you… Oh my God.” Louis covered his mouth before it sank in fully and he jumped up, whooping for joy. “Oh my God!” he yelled. 

He had to tell someone. He had to let someone know this exciting news. He’d gotten the internship he was most interested in, the  _ paid internship,  _ and as a freshman! That was so rare, he had felt bad for hoping, but he’d done it. He’d gotten it.

He quickly thumbed out of the email, knowing he’d need to take care of the details regarding acceptance of that internship and denial of the others soon, but for now he needed to tell his mom.

He hadn’t even told her he was going up for these internships. She was going to be beyond surprised, and he’d wanted to think a little more about how to break the news to her, but he was sure she’d understand now. This was… well. It was incredible. The opportunity alone was going to be insane. It was far enough away from school that he’d need to start looking for sublets on apartments closer to the Apple campus soon so he had a chance to get something before everything good was snatched up.

His mom. First, he needed to call his mom. He could barely hold in an excited squeal as he hit her contact and waited for her to pick up.

“Lou? Is everything okay?”

“Oh God, it’s so late at home, I’m sorry! I didn’t even think,” Louis groaned, covering his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just got some really exciting news and I had to tell someone.”

“That’s okay, Boo.” He could hear some rustling and he was sure she was sitting up in bed. It was always how she showed she was paying attention when woken up by any of the kids due to illness or something else. “So, what’s the news?”

“Okay, so I told you how I’ve been making nice with my professors this semester, right? And how especially my Language and Coding course director has been impressed with me? Well, he gave me some hook ups to various internships nearby that would allow me to get experience over the summer and possibly even lead to jobs later.”

“Oh?” Jay suddenly sounded more awake than she had before. “For the summer?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, wincing even though she couldn’t see him. “I got one. Well, I got into a few, but the one I really wanted with Apple that is a  _ paid  _ internship, was just offered to me. I just found out. I had to tell someone because I am so excited and this is such a great opportunity and I’m only a freshman and it’s being offered to me and I just… God.” Louis pulled at his hair in an attempt to ground himself, but he wasn’t sure it was doing much other than making him look a bit crazed.

“That is so exciting, honey,” Jay said into the phone, sounding pleased. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Louis said, quietly. “There’s a lot I have to plan and organize for it, but I’ve got time. It does mean I won’t be home at all to see you, though. It starts up the week after school ends and actually overlaps with the start of the next school year by about a week.”

“That’s fine, this is your future we’re talking about! You do what you need to do and what makes you happy. We’ll always be here for you when you’re able to come see us.”

“Okay. Thanks, Mom.” Looking around, Louis remembered how late it was and decided that was good enough for now. “Hey, I’ll let you get to sleep now. We can talk more about this tomorrow.”

“Okay, we better,” Jay said, sounding stern. “I need to make sure you’re taking care of everything you need to for this.”

“Yeah, I know. Love you.”

They hung up and Louis took a deep breath. He felt like he was filled with excited energy for the first time in ages. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself, actually. 

Stomach rumbling, Louis stood up and finished his walk inside the cafeteria. Once he was seated with his food, he opened his texts and hovered over Harry’s contact. Would he even want to hear from Louis now? Rolling his eyes at himself, he decided he wanted Harry to know, even if Harry didn’t care.

But maybe it would be best to tell him in the group text thread they had with all the other guys. It hadn’t been active in awhile, but they still used it occasionally, so he scrolled until he found it and opened it quickly.

_ Louis: Hey guys! I’ve got some news… _

*~~***~~*

**9 Years Later**

Louis looked around his empty apartment and sighed. He’d lived there for four years, and he’d never even had the time or energy to decorate. He wasn’t sad to be leaving it, per se, but he was frustrated that all the hope and excitement he’d had when he had moved in had somehow been lost along the way to… well. Now, he supposed.

His internship at Apple had been the beginning of everything for him. He’d been hired on as a part time contractor that could help with basic projects from campus after a successful summer internship. As he finished his schooling, he had easily been moved to full time and within four months was made a Team Lead. 

For the past five years, he’d been promoted to team manager over special projects. The past two years had been spent with Louis building a specialized team that would build and program a new operating system for all mobile devices within the company, and it was huge. It had been hard work and, much like everything Louis had done with the company since he’d started with them, had demanded much more than the traditional forty hours a week. Louis was more than willing, though. They paid him well and he’d loved his job.

Until he hadn’t. The project had quickly grown to become much more than Louis had initially been told it would be when it was given to him. The specifications, deadlines, and requirements for the software they were developing were constantly changing as was wont to happen in the world of technology, and after two years of hard work, not only on Louis’ end but also for all of the forty people he oversaw in his department, Apple had made the decision to go in another direction entirely.

Louis had assumed they would be reassigned or given a new project, but that was presumptuous of him. He had been given a box and told he would be paid through the end of the month with his medical coverage ending the following month. And that was it.

The rest of the day passed in a fog as Louis tried to figure out where to go from there. He was twenty-eight years old with a good amount of experience under his belt. He had a great degree and high recommendations from any professor he wanted to approach. He could get a job pretty much anywhere he wanted to with his background.

But did he want to? When Louis got home that afternoon, he realized he had absolutely nothing tying him to California. The desire he’d once had to create and influence with his software developing was gone. The thought of going out and searching for another job similar to what he’d just been fired from was nausea inducing. The life he’d been living wasn’t the one he’d wanted for himself.

In talking all of this out with his mom and expressing the fact he had no idea where to go, his mom told him to come home. She only had the older twins who were staying in town to go part time to Ohio State as they finished their senior year of high school and the younger twins who were now almost eight, so there was plenty of space at the house. He didn’t have to be in a hurry while he figured his life out if he lived there. Besides, he had a pretty great savings account thanks to the fact he had barely done anything for himself during all the years he had worked. The only allowance Louis had given himself was a short trip home every Christmas so he could be with his family on his birthday. 

The more he thought about it, the more appealing the thought of home was. San Francisco had never replaced the warmth and comfort of Ohio for him. He might as well go back and be surrounded by those who loved him as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do next.

Now, a week later, his apartment contract had been terminated, most of his belongings sold, and everything else was packed into his little car, ready for the cross country drive home.

Sighing and feeling like a failure, Louis turned out the last of the lights before he closed and locked the door behind him, effectively ending another chapter of his life.

*~~***~~*

Louis stared at the ceiling and contemplated getting up. It was a Saturday, so he wasn’t needed to help get the younger twins to school, and he really didn’t want to have to deal with human interaction. It was nearly two in the afternoon, though, and he probably should eat at some point.

Rolling his eyes at himself, he rolled out of bed and looked at what his life had become. He was back living in the same bedroom he’d grown up in, unemployed with no idea what to do with his future, and having to force himself to just get in the shower and eat food. At twenty-fucking-eight years old. The picture of success, that was him.

Scratching at his belly, Louis pulled on a pair of cut off sweat-shorts and went downstairs. He didn’t think anyone was home, and he was pleased to see he was right. There was a note on the counter waiting for him, though.

> _ Lou, when you get up could you please run to the store for me? I’ve got a list on the fridge of everything we need, which is quite a lot. Here’s my card, please do this for me while we’re out and about? Thank youuuuuuu! xx Mom _

Turning around, he saw his mom wasn’t joking. There were items written in the margins of what was usually already a fairly hefty list. When he opened the fridge and cereal cabinet, he saw there wasn’t even anything to have for breakfast.

Fine. He’d shower and get dressed then go to the store. So much for avoiding human interaction for the day.

Once he’d finally cleaned up, he walked out the door without bothering to grab his mom’s card. After everything she had given him, the least he could do was pay for the groceries every once in awhile. Allow himself to feel like he was a somewhat competent adult.

Choosing the Giant Eagle that was more expensive and slightly further from the house, Louis hoped he would avoid most people he knew. He’d had too many experiences over the past week of being home to want more questions.

“When are you going to find a good boy to settle down with?”

“Don’t you want to get married?”

“What are you doing now that Apple let you go?”

And so on and so on. Louis was exhausted even thinking about having to answer more questions that were none of those people’s business. It wasn’t like he had chosen to end up like this, alone and jobless. He thought he’d found his person at the age of eighteen and had never fully been able to get over him, as stupid and ridiculous as that seemed. He’d stopped trying, given up on hoping for someone like Harry to come into his life. Every time he’d tried, he only compared the men to Harry and his feelings to what he’d experienced that summer. Nothing ever compared. So did he want to get married? Did he want to settle down? Of course he did. He just really didn’t think it was in the cards for him. Not when last he’d heard Harry was engaged to someone else.

Besides, that was kind of at the bottom of his list of worries at the moment. He needed to figure out what he was going to do with the rest of his life first. He couldn’t just stay with his mom and live off of his savings forever. That needed to take priority.

Pulling into the Giant Eagle parking lot, Louis let out a sigh of relief. It was so  _ calm _ compared to the always packed and busy Kroger parking lot. It gave him hope that he wouldn’t run into anyone who knew him here.

Grabbing one of the big carts, Louis studied the list he had put onto his phone before going to the produce section. It was gloriously quiet, nearly entirely empty. On a Saturday afternoon! It was like heaven for Louis.

He was about halfway through the list, confused about where the hell he was supposed to find the special cheese his mom wanted for the tacos they were supposed to have that night when he heard his name.

Shit. Louis plastered on a fake smile and turned around only to find…

“Harry?” Louis asked, shocked. “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

Harry abandoned his own cart and walked up to him, arms open wide before pulling Louis in for one of his patented, bone crushing hugs.

“Louis Tomlinson, I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw you standing there.” Harry was rocking them back and forth, and Louis was so surprised, he just took it. It felt so good, just like old times, but still so different even if Harry smelled like the same fabric softener and bodywash that he used to.

“Yeah, well I had no idea you were in town either,” Louis said, chuckling as Harry finally let him go so they could look at each other. “How long are you home for?”

Louis could hardly handle the fact that Harry had  _ facial hair _ and was still taking that in when he realized Harry looked confused.

“What do you mean? I moved home about four years ago.”

Blinking in confusion, Louis searched his brain to see if his mom or anyone, really, had ever told him that. He didn’t think so, he felt like it was something he would have remembered.

“Really? I had no idea,” Louis said, slowly. “Well I just moved back last week, so I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other.”

Harry’s eyes lit up at that. “God, really? That’s great news. What brought you home?”

Louis grimaced a little. “Life just… didn’t go as I expected.” Louis chuckled self depricatingly as he scrubbed the back of his head and Harry offered condolences over his job. Shaking his head, Louis changed the subject by turning the question back to Harry. “What about you?”

“Oh, sorry.” Harry looked down at his feet before glancing back up at Louis. “Well, you heard about Robin, right? Yeah. Mom didn’t handle his loss very well. Gemma was busy with her fancy job in New York, so I came home to help take care of Mom and run the bookstore. I mostly do the accounting and purchasing, let her do the rest, but it’s a good fit for now.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I heard about Robin, but didn’t realize…”

“It’s okay,” Harry said, shrugging. “She tries to not let people know, but she couldn’t hide it very well from us, you know?”

Nodding, Louis pursed his lips. “Yeah. I get that.”

They stood in silence for a minute, and Louis watched as Harry started playing with a spinner ring on a very important finger. That must be his engagement ring. A bit unconventional when it came to rings of significance, but Harry always was a pretty unconventional guy.

“Well, I should let you finish your shopping,” Harry said, finally realizing he’d left his own cart unattended at the other end of the aisle. “Gimme a call, though. We should get together and catch up properly. My number hasn’t changed.”

Louis nodded, not wanting to admit that he still had Harry’s number saved, and even if he didn’t he’d remember it on his own. “Will do. Have a good Saturday, Harry.”

Waving, they went back to shopping, and Louis tried to figure out exactly what he would need to do to protect himself from Harry this time around.

*~~***~~*

“I can’t just pretend everything is fine and everything that happened before is just wiped clean, Lotts,” Louis complained into the phone. “Besides, he’s engaged to someone else. I’m sure his fiance would have an issue with some other guy cuddling up to Harry, holding hands, all that ridiculous stuff I kind of can’t believe we used to do.”

“Oh shut up,” Lottie said, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “You just need to go out and woo him and make him remember what the two of you had. You’re end game, Lou. I know it.”

“It’s not-”

“It  _ is _ that easy,” Lottie interrupted. “Listen, Lou. Just hang out with him, okay? That will be more than enough. Watch some of the Ohio State games with him. Go to Hocking Hills some Saturday while the colors are bright. Go swing on some of the swings at the middle school playground you guys used to hang out at while I had lacrosse practice, you know? Just give him another chance. You two aren’t eighteen anymore. It’s different now, but maybe now you’re both finally where you need to be in order to be able to work out.”

Louis pouted. “Harry doesn’t even care about football.”

“He cares about Ohio State and he cares about you,” Lottie countered. “He’ll jump on it in a heartbeat, and he’ll probably even make Buckeyes for the game.”

Sighing, Louis fell back onto his bed. “I just… I’ve never been able to get past what we had that summer. I want a love like we had back then, you know? Something innocent. Light. Natural. I just don’t know if that’s possible now that we’re older.”

“I don’t know if it is either,” Lottie said, thoughtfully. “But isn’t it worth a try?”

“You’re too wise for being so young.”

“I know,” Lottie said, cheerfully. “I’ve gotta go. Fizz and I are going shopping together before she has to leave to go back to Florida.”

“Yeah, alright,” Louis said, chuckling. “Have fun. Give her a hug for me.”

Louis hung up and immediately opened up a text thread with Harry. It was empty, just like it had been for years, but Louis finally started typing.

_ Louis: Hey, we play Penn State this Saturday at 3:30, wanna come over for chili and watch it with us? Doris might try to do your hair, just warning. _

Belatedly, Louis realized Harry might not have him in his phone anymore. He should probably introduce himself. 

_ Louis: Fuck, sorry, this is Louis btw _

His phone buzzed back just a minute later, and he was relieved to see Harry’s answer.

_ Harry: I know, Lou. I never took you out of my contacts. I’d love to come! Should I bring anything? Some homemade Buckeyes, maybe? _

Fuck Lottie and her witchy ways. It’s like she knew both of them better than they knew themselves. At least she lived in North Carolina now so he didn’t have to worry about her knowing glances at them all the time like he used to have to.

_ Louis: That would be great. See ya then! _

Louis tossed his phone down beside him and rubbed his hands down his face. He didn’t know why he was getting so worked up over Harry. He had literally been in various relationships almost the entire time Louis had known him. Him having a fiance wouldn’t be any different than it was when they’d hung out in high school and he’d had a boyfriend.

Besides. Louis had changed a lot since they were eighteen, and he was sure Harry had as well. It would be a chance to get to know each other again and find a new footing as friends. They might have missed their chance at a relationship, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be close again. Louis wasn’t that big of a dick, and he knew Harry wasn’t either.

Friendship with Harry, take two, would start in just a couple days.

*~~***~~*

“Dottie took my buckeyes!”

“I did not, this is my  _ necklace,  _ you don’t even have a  _ necklace.” _

Louis rolled his eyes. He would be more than happy when his mom got back from her rush to the grocery store. She said she’d forgotten something an hour ago and had yet to return. All Louis knew was that Doris and Ernest needed to chill. The moment their mom walked out the door, they went crazy. Louis hoped he had never been that bad, but he probably had been.

By the time Louis came into the kitchen, Ernie was angry and flushed, but also had his own buckeyes in hand, so apparently they’d fixed the issue themselves. Good. They were seven. They were finally getting to the point where they could handle themselves a bit better. Louis always liked when they’d reached that point.

“Lou? We’re heading out,” Daisy called from the front door. 

Louis poked his head around the corner from the kitchen and waved. “Have fun at your last high school homecoming! Wait, do I need to take pictures? Is mom gonna kill me if she comes home to find out she missed you leaving and I didn’t get pictures?”

Phoebe rolled her eyes at him before blowing him a kiss. “It’s fine. We’ll send her all the group ones we take where we’re meeting at the park. Byyyyeeeeee!” And with that, they scampered out the door in their shiny dresses and fancy hair. 

Shaking his head, he turned back around to make sure the younger ones were calm again, and then went into the living room to find the station the game was on. As he settled down, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would be too warm in his hoodie when there was a knock at the door. Harry must have already arrived.

Standing up, Louis rubbed his palms on his thighs and went to the door. Opening it, he found the wind blowing leaves everywhere and whipping Harry’s short curls into a riot.

“Oh my God, it’s like a miniature tornado,” Louis laughed as he stepped back. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” Harry stepped in and looked around, smile wide. “It’s like nothing’s changed.”

“I know,” Louis said, chuckling a little as he closed the door. “Just a few new photos is all, even the layout is the same in the living room.”

Harry nodded and held up a tupperware. “They’re nice and chilled so they should be perfect for the whole game.”

“I am so excited,” Louis said, popping the tupperware open and taking a smell. They were just as rich and peanut buttery as he remembered. He couldn’t help groaning a little in excitement. “There’s something magical about homemade buckeyes. It’s been far too long.”

Louis looked up from the tupperware and saw Harry blushing and biting his lower lip. Well. That hadn’t changed at least. He almost looked eighteen again. Blinking fiercely and shaking his head a little, Louis nodded towards the living room.

“Come on in. I think we’ve got ten minutes until kick off, but my mom’s at the store and the little twins are in the kitchen.”

“We aren’t little anymore, you can’t keep calling us that!” Doris yelled.

Louis rolled his eyes at Harry, but he couldn’t hold back his smile at how feisty his little sister was. 

“You might not be as little as you were, but you’re still much more little than the other twins, so that’s a moniker you’ll have to deal with until you’ve gotten to be the same size as the older twins!”

“How come you call them older and us little? Shouldn’t you call them big and us little? Or them older and us younger?” Ernest asked as he walked into the living room. His blond hair fell into his face and he swiped it away. Jay had been asking if he wanted a haircut for months, but Ernest was determined to grow his hair out as long as Doris’.

“And what’s that word you said? The one that starts with an m?”

“Yes, Ernie, you’re right. The way we paired the names doesn’t really make sense, does it? It’s too bad you’ve figured that out too late for any of us to change our ways now,” Louis said with a wink. “And Dottie, a moniker is a name. A nickname, in this case.”

“I didn’t choose that momiker, I want a different one,” she responded at the same time Ernie held his string of buckeyes up to Harry. At this point, Louis was very glad none of his other siblings were around. It was chaotic enough with just the youngest two.

“Ooh, those are very nice,” Harry praised as he sat down on the couch. “Do you mind if I eat one? I just love eating buckeyes.”

Ernest’s eyes widened and he pulled his string of buckeyes to his chest. “No! Not real buckeyes! You can’t eat those. Those are poisonous!”

“Oh, right,” Harry said, bringing his palm to his forehead. “I always forget. Here, I brought some you can eat, though.”

Ernest crowded into Harry’s space and immediately grabbed two. “What’s your name? Are you Louis’ friend? I’ve never met you before.”

“Yeah, I’m Harry. I believe you are Ernest and Doris is probably the one I haven’t seen but have heard.”

Ernest nodded his head, happily shoving both buckeyes into his mouth at the same time before he went running from the room.

“Sorry about that,” Louis said as he leaned back into the couch beside Harry. They were close enough that they could touch if they wanted, but they weren’t shoved up beside each other like they used to do. It felt both strange to have that distance, but also right to have Harry beside him again.

“No, you know how much I love being surrounded by all your siblings. And it’s nice to finally meet them. I’ve seen them at a distance around town since I’ve been back, but haven’t actually had a chance to talk with them.”

Kick-off happened, and Louis found himself paying more attention to Harry than to the game. It was a good game, evenly matched. He really  _ should _ be paying more attention, especially since the game was the entire reason he’d invited Harry over, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about Harry that always stole at least some of Louis’ attention when he was near. Even all these years later, it was still there.

“Harry! I ran into your mom at the store, which is actually why I didn’t make it back for kick-off. I heard us get that touchdown, though!” Jay rushed in and glanced at the screen. Pleased it was still a commercial, she set the bags down on the chair in the corner of the room and walked over to Harry, pulling him off the couch and into a hug. “Oh, darling, we’ve missed having you around here. Almost as much as we missed Lou. All feels right again, having you both on this couch.”

Louis closed his eyes in embarrassment. She really didn’t need to say all that. 

“I’ll be sure not to keep my distance anymore,” Harry said. 

He sounded sincere. Louis hoped he was. He wouldn’t mind Harry, even an  _ engaged _ Harry, around the house more often.

“Okay, well let me get the cornbread in the oven and we should be able to have chili by halftime!”

“Do you want any help?” Harry offered as Jay rushed into the kitchen. 

“Oh, no no no. You keep right on catching up with Louis. I’ll be joining you again here soon enough.”

Cheers from the screen as well as the sound of the Nittany Lion roaring or snarling or whatever it was described as brought Louis’ attention back to the game.

“Dammit,” Harry cursed before covering his mouth and looking at the kitchen. “Sorry, I forgot there’s littles around.”

Louis snorted. “They’ve heard far worse. It’s okay.”

“Achoo, scoot over,” Ernest demanded. “We want to see the game now.”

“There’s entirely enough space for you there,” Louis countered, looking at the couch cushion. Ernest really wasn’t that big.

“Dottie’s coming too!” 

As soon as Ernest finished saying that, a red-headed thunderbolt came charging out of the kitchen and jumped onto the couch.

“More room, more room, more room,” Doris chanted as she pushed Louis’ thigh with her feet.

Sighing, Louis scooted closer to Harry so they were definitely flush against each other now.

“Sorry,” Louis apologized as Harry lifted his arm and rested it along the back of the couch. Louis could feel the warmth of his arm against the back of his neck. It was so close, and yet so far, and it made his entire body feel like it was alive. God, he was too old to be feeling like this.

“It’s okay, Lou,” Harry said, the nickname slipping off his tongue as naturally as if he’d been using it regularly over the past nine years instead of just… not speaking at all during that time. “Not sure if you remember this about me or not, but I really don’t have an issue with personal space.”

Louis snorted. “Yeah, I do remember that, actually.”

Harry chuckled and pinched Louis’ shoulder. “I don’t remember you minding, much.”

Louis felt like the breath had been knocked out of him at that. Was… that felt like flirting. But it couldn’t be, because Harry was engaged. Did he feel free to just act like that with anyone because he was taken and therefore it was safe to do so? 

Then again, Louis remembered Harry always being a charismatic guy. He had less than zero issues getting people’s attention and everyone was always falling for him. He used to be so confused about why his boyfriends would get jealous, and it was because he was just that person. He would naturally be kind and do things others interpreted as flirting, and it would make his boyfriends jealous thinking he was doing it on purpose.

God, Louis had forgotten about that with all this time away from him. That must be all this was. It was just Harry being Harry and of course Louis was interpreting it as flirting. He needed to calm himself down.

Giving off a weak laugh, Louis looked down at his lap and rubbed his hands on his thighs. Yeah, he really hadn’t minded the lack of personal space that summer. Not at all.

“Yeah, I didn’t,” Louis said quietly before reaching over Harry and grabbing the tupperware container again. “I need more buckeyes. This game is too stressful.”

The rest of the game was a cycle of rinse, lather, and repeat. Things would calm down, Louis would try to focus on the game but would instead pay attention to Harry, and then something would happen to make him almost swallow his tongue. Over and over and over.

It was exhausting.

Thankfully, when halftime came and his mom’s sweet cornbread was finally ready, it gave them all an excuse to stand up and get some space from each other. Louis really needed it at that point. He was fairly certain that whatever new cologne Harry used was going to be a part of his dreams tonight, and he didn’t need that.

“I like putting the cornbread on the bottom of the bowl and spooning the chili on top then loading it up with cheese,” Louis said with a wink. Makes it even thicker than it already is and has the best flavor combination.”

“I’ll take your recommendation under consideration,” Harry said, smirking as he acted like he was having a deep philosophical debate with himself over the merits of Louis’ chili combination. In the end, he did as Louis suggested.

Louis wasn’t prepared for the result. They all settled back in, the twins were settled and safely ensconced at the kitchen table instead of the couch with their own bowls of chili, and the second half was already starting. He’d sat down with space between him and Harry again, but Louis was still mixing his chili when the most obscene sound came from Harry.

Turning quickly to Harry to see what had caused him to make a sound like  _ that, _ Louis found Harry sitting with his eyes closed, face turned towards the ceiling as he chewed.

“Oh my God, Jay,” Harry asked as he opened his eyes and turned to Louis’ mom where she was lounging in the recliner. “What spice mixture do you use for this? I’ve never had my chili turn out like this before. What is your secret? Is it just the beans?”

Jay started giving her answer, but Louis couldn’t pay attention. He didn’t really care anyway. He was still trying to get himself back under control after the sound Harry had made thanks to chili and cornbread. If that’s how he sounded when he ate something delicious, then how would he…

Louis had to stop thinking that way. He did not have any right to imagine Harry like that, and he needed to remember it. It was just so fucking  _ difficult _ when Harry was sitting there, looking as beautiful as he did, smelling as incredible as he did, making sounds like  _ that. _

Taking a deep breath and turning back to his own bowl of chili, Louis finished stirring and tried to make sure to take a good bite and focus back on the game. It was difficult, but he  _ was _ actually a fan of football. He could do this.

The rest of the game was about the same. They would finally get some space between them on the couch, but when they’d jump up in excitement over a big play, they’d sit closer and closer together. Doris did end up braiding Harry’s hair, and he looked more adorable than a grown man should with the little braids adorning his head randomly.

The game finally ended, and Louis was exhausted. The amount of self control it had taken him just to be in close proximity but not allow himself to drape across Harry’s lap like he used to, or hold his hand, or lean his head on his shoulder, was far more than he’d originally anticipated and he was more than happy to see it was time for the twins to have their baths and get to bed, too. That way Louis could usher Harry out and have the rest of the night (if not the weekend) to recover.

“This was really great, Lou,” Harry said as he stood up and waved at Jay to keep the rest of the buckeyes. “We should get together again, maybe go down to Hocking Hills or have a movie night like old times.”

“Oh,” Louis said, kind of surprised Harry had initiated it this time. He wasn’t against it, he just wasn’t sure how easily they’d fall back into their friendship. “Yeah, that’d be great. I am… pretty open, so I’ll let you find a time that works well for you and we can go from there.”

“Okay,” Harry said, smiling at him. 

Louis smiled back, but hesitated. He wanted to go in for a hug, but he wasn’t sure if Harry wanted that or not. Was it too soon to hug an old friend?

Harry decided it wasn’t and pulled Louis into him. As Louis collapsed into his warmth, he was happy to learn Harry still gave the same amazing hugs he used to and held on just as long.

“I missed you, you know?” Harry whispered. “I’m glad you’re home, even if you’re not.”

Louis tried to laugh, but mostly he felt like he’d been punched in the gut. How much did Harry know without his having to tell him? 

“Maybe we can talk about it next time we get together. Air out your frustrations and everything in nature, yeah?”

Louis finally pulled back away from Harry, and found that for the first time all afternoon he felt truly comfortable with Harry again. All it took was a long hug and Harry seeing into his soul.

Taking a deep breath, Louis nodded. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

Nodding, Harry waved and called out a goodbye to Jay and the twins before walking out Louis’ door.

Closing it behind him, Louis leaned against the door like some overdramatic teen in a John Hughes film and covered his face.

Harry was  _ engaged. _ The guy obviously didn’t live around here, but Harry was taken all the same. Louis needed to keep himself in check.

With a scream and a splash, Louis heard Jay groan and shook Harry from his head. His help would be appreciated and maybe the kids could help him get out of his head.

*~~***~~*

“Okay, but do you really think  _ freesias _ are the way to go? I mean, they would pair well with camellias and irises that we decided on for the various decorations, but-” 

Harry’s voice drifted out the open windows of his house as Louis walked up, causing him to pause. It had been almost three weeks since the football game and they’d hung out since then, but they were finally going to enjoy a day down at Hocking Hills. Louis was excited and hoped this would feel a bit less like a date than their other hangouts, because it was messing with his head. He was having a hard time remembering that Harry was taken and in no way available and that pining was therefore ridiculous and pointless, but there he was.

And now Harry was talking about flowers. Did that mean Louis was finally going to learn more about the wedding? Harry had been keeping strangely quiet about it, and Louis hadn’t been sure how to bring it up. But now might be the perfect way to learn more about it and hear Harry finally talk about his fiance. Bring Louis back to earth.

“No, they’re lovely and they go perfectly with the color scheme just like you said, but you know the meaning of them, right? Friendship and innocence. Not horrible, but this is a wedding. They don’t exactly reek of the deep romantic love you were so adamant about when we last spoke.”

Ah, yep. There it was. The wedding was definitely on. Louis could only imagine how difficult it could be to look for floral options while apart. 

“I know, the color options and pricing is preferable to some of the others, especially since… exactly. Yeah, I’m gonna let you go because Louis should be here any minute. Yeah, love you too.”

Louis’ chest squeezed a little at Harry saying those words that Louis used to dream about the two of them saying to each other, but rolled his eyes at himself. He was being ridiculous. They were not eighteen anymore. 

Finishing his walk up the path, Louis raised his hand to knock when Harry pulled the door open.

“Hey, perfect timing!” Harry said as he waved Louis in. “I just got off the phone, so let me get my shoes and a jacket and I’ll be ready.”

Louis smiled and nodded, watching as Harry dug through the pile of shoes that looked like they were mostly his own. Finally giving a sound of triumph, he pulled out a pair of worn tennis shoes and sat down on the stairs to put them on.

“So, wedding planning, huh?”

“What?” Harry said, looking up with this brows furrowed. “Oh! You heard?”

Louis shrugged before saying, “Yeah, just the very end. Flowers right now?”

“God, they’re gonna kill me,” Harry said, laughing. “We can’t agree on anything! Like, I’d said earlier that I can take over all the planning since I’ve got so much more time on my hands, but no. So instead we sit and fight on the phone as we make decisions and change our minds several times. Like, the wedding is coming up quickly and the florist needs answers. It’s October for heaven’s sake! The wedding is in six months! If we keep debating this, then we aren’t going to get everything we want.”

Louis nodded like he had any idea what went into planning a wedding. “Yeah, absolutely.”

Harry laughed and then waved at Louis. “You don’t even care about that. I’m sorry. Come on, let’s get in the car and we can fight over the playlist for a bit before we get into our soul searching talk we promised each other when we planned this.”

Louis scoffed. “Excuse you, I promised you nothing of the sort!”

Eyes twinkling, Harry narrowed them and picked up a basket Louis hadn’t noticed before. “Are you sure about that?”

Sighing, Louis shook his head. “I’m sure of nothing with you. Don’t forget your jacket, and what’s in the basket?”

Eyes wide, Harry turned back to the closet and pulled out an Ohio State hoodie before he turned back around and lifted the basket.

“This? Just some sustenance. We’re going and doing the rim trail at Conkle’s Hollow, right? We’ll definitely work up an appetite after that, and I was hoping we could do at least one other trail as well, so I figured, food!”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Louis squawked, following Harry out the door. “I could have brought something to share as well instead of leaving all of that to you when you’re working  _ and _ planning a wedding! I’m just sitting at home on my ass regretting my life choices!”

Harry barked out a laugh before saying, “You always have been prone to exaggeration. Get in the car, Tomlinson.”

“Sure, you go ahead and say that, but you were the actual drama queen in our friend group.”

“Not gonna argue that, but I will say both you and Grimmy put up a fight for that title.”

“I just came here for a good time,” Louis teased. “I can’t believe I’m being attacked.”

“Get in the fucking car,” Harry said, laughing. 

Their fight over a playlist lasted at least half the drive. They kept vetoing the options the other gave until Louis scrolled through Harry’s Spotify playlists and found one with an interesting title.

“What’s  _ The Way Back Days _ playlist?” Louis asked as he clicked on it to scroll through the list. His heart froze quickly when he realized what it was. “Oh my God…”

“Uh, yeah. I liked that CD you made me for my eighteenth birthday enough I made it a playlist,” Harry quietly admitted.

Louis looked up at Harry, shock filling him. He’d completely forgotten about making that CD for Harry, but now that he remembered, all sorts of memories were coming back. How much he had debated over every selection since there was only so much space on the disk, but wanting to make the most of what he had. Louis spent  _ months _ making sure it was perfect.

And now, Harry still listened to it.

“Well,” Louis said, clearing his throat. “I think our fight over music is done. Obviously we’re going with that one. There has never been a better playlist made.”

“Oh, sure,” Harry said with a laugh. “That’s fine. It’s been too long since I listened to it, anyway.”

Louis hummed and hit play, letting the memories roll.

It wasn’t too long before Harry said, “Sooooo, what  _ did _ bring you back home?”

Groaning, Louis turned and looked at Harry’s profile. Sighing, he said, “It’s really not that interesting.”

Arching his brow and glancing at Louis before turning to keep his eyes on the highway, Harry said, “I’m sure that’s not true. That’s why I’m asking.”

Scrunching his nose and shifting in his seat, the soundtrack of  _ Sunday Bloody Sunday _ feeling overdramatic but fitting for his mood, Louis cleared his throat. 

“Dunno how much you’ve heard or been told,” Louis said, picking at the sweatpants he’d chosen to wear. “But I did well in school, right? And got what I thought was my dream job at Apple. But…” 

Louis did his best to think of a good way to condense it all without making it sound like he was whining when really he had been so incredibly lucky. It was harder than he thought to find the words to put to all his emotions that were wrapped up in the situation.

And through it all, Harry remained quiet, patiently waiting for Louis to finish his thoughts.

“Okay, well you know I always wanted to settle down,” Louis said, snorting derisively at himself. “I’ve always wanted a partner and a family, and I thought that having the backing of a well paying job with a great future at a company like Apple was the perfect basis for that. Except I never got around to looking for a partner. I tried for a bit, but…” Louis drifted off, glancing at Harry before looking out the window again. “Well. We’ll just say nothing really fit. So I threw myself into work. I loved my job, or at least I did at first, but it took over and it was only when I was let go that I realized how lonely I was. How much I hadn’t let myself live outside of work.”

A quiet rested over the two of them, and Louis tried to figure out how much more, if anything, he was ready to share right at that moment. It felt like his emotions were all trapped inside the car and he’d rather talk more when they were out in the open, release everything he’d been trapping within himself to the trees and sky above them.

“It’s always so hard to see how unbalanced things have gotten until something forces you into that perspective, don’t you think?” 

Louis turned to Harry and just looked at him for a moment. Leave it to Harry to say something so simple and yet so profoundly accurate to his life experiences. 

“Yeah, exactly,” Louis said. He felt almost breathless with how seen he felt, thanks to that one statement. “That’s exactly how it was. Once I saw it, I didn’t know how to fix it. If I  _ wanted _ to fix it. So I came home to figure it out.”

Harry smiled at Louis as he signalled to get off at the exit and start navigating the winding backroads of the Appalachian foothills.

“Well, let’s see if we can help with that today, hmm?”

*~~***~~*

“Let’s stop by one of those family diners in Laurelville on our way back,” Louis suggested, shivering a little once they were back in the car. It was dark out, since they decided to continue on the paths all the way until the sun had set and the park was closing. “Lunch was amazing, but I’m not sure I’ll make an hour and a half drive back home without eating again.”

Harry chuckled and agreed easily.

The day had been perfect. Harry listened as Louis spewed every thought that was in his head regarding his career path and what he wanted to change. What he had been considering as future options, where he might like to live, all his longings for a family of his own but not feeling like he was at a place to start that when he didn’t even know how he was going to support himself from here on out. Everything.

Harry had been wonderful through it all, too. He offered hugs and physical assurances throughout their hikes and even had Louis scream at the top of his lungs as they stood on an overlook. It felt so freeing, Louis wasn’t sure when the last time was that he’d felt so weightless and unburdened. Harry was magical like that.

They continued to chat easily about anything that came to their minds, the heavier topics obviously having been closed for them now. Louis wasn’t any closer to figuring his life out, but he at least felt better about it now.

Once they got to the diner and sat down, they quickly decided on what to eat, and Louis couldn’t help but admire Harry. His cheeks were flushed from the chill that had quickly set in the air, and he looked more snuggly in his hoodie than anyone had any right to. 

It was then that Louis realized that he had played himself. Once again they were in a date like setting. Between the picnic lunch and dinner, he was almost having a harder time remembering that Harry wasn’t his than he had before. 

Clearing his throat, Louis tried to figure out some topic of discussion that could be about Harry’s fiance when Harry was in no way jumping at the chance to even mention his fiance’s name. It was kind of odd, but Harry had always been a bit funny with his boyfriends even in high school, so Louis supposed this wasn’t much different. Maybe Harry felt like he needed to keep discussion of his fiance separate from Louis because of that summer all those years ago.

Harry ended up being the one to break the silence.

“You staying in town for Thanksgiving and Christmas?”

Oh, good. A safe, non-emotional topic.

“Yeah,” Louis said with a smile. “My grandparents have all passed, and the kids’ dads are both nearby, so we’re staying here for ease of things and all that.”

“Oh, is this not a year you mom gets the kids then?”

“Not for Christmas Day. It’s their year to be with their dads. We get them for Thanksgiving, though.”

“Maybe we can do a combined Christmas celebration,” Harry suggested as he thanked the server for bringing his salad. “Gemma isn’t able to come home this year with everything going on with her, so it would just be me and my mom as well. Doesn’t feel quite the same when there’s only us. It would be nice to have you two there as well.”

Louis’ eyes were wide. “You aren’t going anywhere for Christmas?” For some reason Louis had just assumed that Harry would be going to West Virginia for Christmas like they had every year growing up.

“Nah, we sold the cabin down there a few years ago. Was too much work to keep looking after it when it was just me and Mom.”

That was too bad. Harry had always loved that cabin and they used to talk about the two of them going down for a weekend. They never got around to it, but it felt like a lost opportunity.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said, reaching out to squeeze Harry’s hand. He caught what he was doing too late to stop it, but he kept it short before pulling his hand back. “But yeah, maybe. Mom would probably like the distraction since it’s the first year both of her parents are gone and the kids won’t be with us either.”

“Alright, I’ll mention it tonight and maybe we can get those plans going.”

Louis wanted to kick himself. He didn’t have any reason to get out of it with Harry, but he really didn’t think Christmas with him and Anne was a good idea. Not when Louis was falling just as in love with Harry as he used to be. As if that was too much. He wasn’t sure he ever fell  _ out _ of love with him. And that? That was a problem.

*~~***~~*

Not only was the full house a good excuse to keep from spending Thanksgiving with Harry and Anne, it turned out that Harry had gone to New York for the holiday while Anne was spending it with some girlfriends. Louis was doing his best not to be jealous, but he was definitely stalking Harry’s Instagram in an attempt to see any hint of the man Harry would be marrying.

So far, nothing.

The most recent photo still struck a painful chord for him, though. It was Harry and Gemma smiling widely from inside a gorgeously ornate church. Based on the caption, it seemed it was where Harry would be getting married.

It was perfect for him, too. It was obviously old and filled with character and the walls had entire panels of beautiful stained glass. It was everything Louis had dreamed of back when he thought he had a chance at that with him.

Thumbing over to the texting thread he’d had with Harry that had been fairly quiet the past day or two while he’d been traveling, Louis typed a quick message.

_ Louis: That church is gorgeous! A perfect choice. _

He’d been trying to show Harry he was supportive in an attempt to have Harry talk about it more, but so far it hadn’t really been working. If anything, Harry had only complained about how he was going to have to fly to New York to make more decisions as time got closer, but even those admissions felt like pulling teeth. Louis didn’t understand why Harry didn’t want to talk about his wedding. 

Every person Louis had ever met that was actively planning a wedding couldn’t shut up about it. It was like it consumed their lives, yet Harry often gave short answers and then brushed it off before turning the conversation back to Louis. He didn’t get it, but kept trying anyway.

_ Harry: Oh you saw that? It’s beyond amazing and the perfect location. We’re so ecstatic it was available the weekend we wanted! Off to cake tasting! _

Shaking his head, Louis found it a bit odd that Harry was doing these things with Gemma and not his fiance, but maybe Gemma as his best woman was the one helping him with the planning. Louis did know some grooms were fairly hands off. Or maybe this was the best time for Harry to go and his fiance was out of town for the holiday. That didn’t make much sense to Louis, they didn’t see each other often at all, so he would have thought the fiance would have scheduled the time to be there, but Louis wasn’t the one getting married.

Obviously.

After that, Harry did text a bit more often, but not too much and the last two days he was there he didn’t reply to anything Louis sent. Louis supposed that was probably a sign his fiance had finally shown up. He’d have shut his phone off if he only had two days with his long distance fiance, too.

Giving Harry’s Instagram one more scroll, Louis sighed and went over to the App Store. Maybe he’d give some dating apps another try. Obviously nothing was going to happen with Harry, and he really needed to try to get over him (again). Sooner rather than later.

Closing his eyes and sending up a quick prayer for mercy, Louis went and downloaded the best rated apps and started the tedious process of trying to make himself look desirable.

*~~***~~*

It was almost eleven at night on a Tuesday, the house was quiet, and Louis was lamenting the state of his love life.

He really shouldn’t have been. There were definitely bigger issues for him like figuring out if consulting was the way he wanted to go or if he wanted to move to a larger city, but for now the issue at the forefront of his mind was his love life.

It had been two weeks since Louis had downloaded something like four different dating apps and they were all shit. Okay fine, the apps were just fine, it was the people using the apps that were shit.

Harshly holding his finger over the apps and deleting them one by one, Louis felt better. Among all the conversations he had had, there was only one that hadn’t been totally horrible and ridiculous. And to say the man wasn’t anything like he’d seemed when they had met up was an understatement. Louis remembered why dating before hadn’t gone well, on top of the whole still being in love with Harry issue - and decided that maybe he really should focus on his bigger life issues.

Sighing, Louis locked his phone and listened to the muffled sounds of conversation going on in Daisy and Phoebe’s room. They were up late almost every night studying for finals and he did not envy them at all. He might envy them a little bit with the fact that they both had secured boyfriends this semester that seemed incredibly good fits for them, but he was trying really hard not to.

Louis’ phone vibrated and he held it up expecting it to be a notification about an injury with one of the sports teams he followed, but it was a text from Harry.

_ Harry: Up for a late night adventure? _

Louis cocked his head and quickly typed back.

_ Louis: What kind of an adventure? _

_ Harry: It’s a surprise, but I think you’ll like it. Dress warm, I’ll be there in ten minutes. _

Louis scoffed.

_ Louis: I never said I was up for any so called adventuring, Harold. How dare you make assumptions like this! _

Louis knew he was going to go, though. He heaved himself off his bed and decided his sweatpants would be warm enough, especially if he wore some warm socks. He’d wear both a hoodie and his winter coat, though. The temperatures had started dropping to the point that there were rumors of snow coming in the next day or two. He wasn’t sure how warm he was supposed to dress, but layers could never hurt.

_ Harry: You don’t have to say it, I know you are. Now meet me downstairs in ten. _

Smiling to himself, Louis gathered a beanie as well and hoped that would be good enough. He then made his way downstairs to find his shoes and to put on his coat so he could go right out as soon as Harry’s car appeared.

Soon enough, head lights flashed across the wall of the living room and Louis knew that was Harry turning around in the driveway. He walked out, making sure the door was locked behind him, and jogged to the car.

“Alright, explain yourself,” Louis demanded as he buckled himself in.

“Does the word surprise mean nothing to you?” Harry asked as he made his way out of Louis’ neighborhood and headed in the opposite direction of Columbus and the freeway.

Turning to Harry in suspicion, Louis arched his brow. “You’re taking me to the woods to kill me, aren’t you? If that’s the case, why did I dress warmly? It’s just going to make it more difficult for you to get through the layers and do me actual harm.”

Harry let out a groan and made a turn taking them past his old high school and heading towards the country.

“I’m taking you stargazing, alright?”

That brought Louis up short. “Wait, really?”

Harry turned to Louis with a confused look. “Yeah, is that an issue?”

“No, I just…” Louis paused and thought about it a bit more. “I’m not actually sure I’ve ever successfully gone stargazing. Every time I’ve tried there were too many clouds.”

“That’s why this is so last minute, actually,” Harry said as he made another turn and now Louis realized he was taking him closer to Plain City where there would be less light pollution. Wise man. “I realized it was actually a clear night, probably part of the reason why it’s getting so cold tonight actually, so I figured let’s take advantage. I used to lay outside and stare at the stars a lot during my two years at college. I miss it.”

Louis hummed and looked out the window. It always surprised him how much the city had been built up while he had been gone, yet they were still an easy ten to fifteen minute drive from absolute country. He loved it. It felt like the best of both worlds.

Soon enough Harry turned down Amity road and parked on the side of the road in a turn around by one of the farmer’s fields.

“This should work,” he said before turning to Louis. “You sure you’re going to be warm enough in that?”

Rolling his eyes, Louis unbuckled and said, “You said to dress warmly. Not dress warm enough to sit in the freezing cold for who knows how long. I’ll be warm for maybe fifteen minutes like this.”

Harry chuckled and reached into the backseat before tossing two blankets at Louis. “Don’t worry. I came prepared. Come on, let’s set up beside the car.”

Louis climbed out and eyed the ground. It hadn’t been particularly wet outside lately, but there was regular frost outside. He didn’t trust laying on the ground and not getting wet.

“Stop being such a judgmental city boy,” Harry chided as he laid down what looked like a blanket made out of jeans. “I brought this one my grandma made because it’s extra thick and will protect us against the wet and chill of the ground, okay?”

“You always did know how to take care of me,” Louis said jokingly before pretending to swoon at Harry.

“You’re so stupid sometimes,” Harry said with a laugh before easing Louis down onto the blanket he’d just spread out. “Come on. We can cuddle for warmth and lay both blankets on top of us.”

Louis watched as Harry stretched out beside Louis before opening his arms and gesturing for Louis to tuck in. Once he had rolled close enough he could feel the heat that always rolled off Harry in waves, even in below freezing temperatures, Harry did the best he could to put the other blankets on top of both of them.

“There. Nice and cozy and ready to just watch the stars.”

After a few minutes of silence, Louis turned to Harry. “Harold, is there something specific I’m looking for?”

Snickering, Harry said, “No. Just take in their beauty. It always makes me feel a bit small. Almost like I’ve been swallowed up in the insignificance that my life actually is in the entire universe.”

“That seems very negative of you.” Louis didn’t like thinking he was insignificant. He already felt that way enough thanks to how his career had ended so abruptly and everyone had gone on as if he’d never even been there. If anything, he wanted a feeling of importance in some way in his life.

“Not really,” Harry said, with a deep sigh. “I think it’s good for me to put things in perspective. I did a lot of soul searching as I watched the stars after Robin died. Helped me feel like my pain, in the grand scheme of things, was okay and real but that it really was so small that it helped me remember that there was more after that. Helps me feel like my problems that seem so insurmountable aren’t actually that big after all.”

Louis blinked and remained silent as he tried to take in everything Harry had said. It made sense, really. So with that, he turned back and looked at the stars. 

There were so many of them, almost like they were dusting the sky. Louis was used to seeing occasional stars, but nothing like this. Harry was right, the more Louis looked and found even more specks of light after he thought he’d taken in all of them, the smaller he started to feel. All of this light had traveled so far to be seen by them right in that moment. Some of the stars had probably even stopped burning, but they wouldn’t know for years or possibly longer. To them, they were constants if they just bothered to look up.

Taking a deep breath in, Louis scooted closer to Harry before laying his head on Harry’s chest so Harry could wrap his arm around him. Maybe he should do this more often too. It would probably help him get over himself and be able to think clearer about his future and all the decisions that he still needed to make.

Harry placed a soft kiss on top of Louis’ head, and while he would usually overthink that and worry that maybe he shouldn’t be cuddled so close to an engaged man, he couldn’t bring himself to care in that moment. Just this once he allowed himself to leave all of that behind as he basked in the beauty of the sky above him.

“Thanks for the adventure, H,” Louis whispered, not wanting to disturb the magic that surrounded them the longer they stayed there. “It is exactly what I needed.”

“Welcome, Lou. I always love having you with me on my adventures.”

*~~***~~*

_ Harry: Lemme know when the kids have left for their dads’ so I can bring you your birthday present without interrupting birthday time with the fam _

Louis frowned at his phone. Harry had apparently sent that at some point during the afternoon. They’d been so busy trying to fit both Christmas and Louis’ birthday celebrations with his siblings, he hadn’t even realized he’d gotten anything.

_ Louis: Sorry, I only just had a chance to check this lol Mom just left to take the little twins to Dan, so all’s quiet now _ _   
_ _ Louis: But for real, you didn’t have to get me a birthday gift too! We already said we were keeping it low key with Christmas presents, right? And you really don’t have to bring it over tonight. You can just keep warm at home with your mom and I’ll see you tomorrow _

Looking around the room, he was grateful Lottie and Fizzy had helped with the cleanup. The twins had still managed to convince Louis to help them unbox and start putting together one of the Minecraft Lego sets they’d gotten, but outside of that there wasn’t too much damage for him to undo before Harry and Anne came over in the morning.

Turning on a Mannheim Steamroller CD, Louis finished the cleanup and had just flopped down on the couch to enjoy the lights on the Christmas tree in the otherwise dark room when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Louis yelled, knowing it was Harry ignoring his orders from earlier. He hoped Harry could hear him through the door, he was exhausted after the day and didn’t really wanna sit up.

“Hey, did you say come in?” Harry asked as he poked his head through the door. A wave of cold air rushed over Louis and he shivered.

“Yes, and hurry up! It’s fucking cold out, I don’t want all that in here.”

“Sorryyyyy,” Harry drawled out as he shut the door behind him and started stomping on the mats by the door. It had snowed enough a few days ago and remained cold enough that central Ohio was actually experiencing a rare white Christmas. Louis didn’t mind it, it did make things feel more magical, but he did not want any of that cold air inside his warm cocoon.

“It’s alright. For real, though. You didn’t need to bring this over tonight. It could have waited until tomorrow.”

Louis refused to sit up from where he was. He just shifted so there was space for Harry to sit down. Of course, that would require Harry to cooperate with him. Instead of going towards where Louis’ feet were, Harry moved towards where Louis’ head was.

“Come on, shift just a bit and then you can lay your head in my lap.”

Louis blinked and tried not to argue, but he could feel it building on his tongue. Harry had only returned from another wedding planning trip in New York four days ago, and he’d been in such a great mood since then. Louis supposed that was what happened when you got to see your fiance for almost a full week. All the same, laying his head in Harry’s lap felt more intimate than Louis was prepared for.

Before Louis could argue, Harry dropped a small bag on the floor and helped Louis lift up and then sit down, making sure Louis was comfortable.

“There we go,” Harry said happily before picking the bag off the floor and holding it out above Louis. “Now, don’t expect anything huge. The present isn’t anything big, but it does come with a question.”

Louis gave Harry a face that he hoped conveyed his snarky attitude over the entire thing before he reached into the bag and pulled out the tissue paper.

For a moment, he couldn’t even find anything in the bag. Once he realized it was a soft piece of fabric at the bottom, Louis pulled it out and… it was a handkerchief. 

“Uhm,” Louis said in confusion. “Thanks, H. This is a really nice handkerchief. I didn’t even know these were still made anymore.”

Harry cleared his throat and shifted under Louis, causing Louis to look up into his face.

“Well, they do, but also this is a particularly fancy one. It’s the one the wedding party and family is being asked to wear.”

Louis opened his mouth and closed it again. Was the question going to be for Louis to be one of his groomsmen? Louis certainly hoped not, because truthfully he had hoped to stay as far away from Harry’s wedding as possible. He wasn’t sure he could handle watching the only man he’d ever loved get married to someone else. How was he supposed to hurt Harry by saying no, though?

“Okay…” Louis said quietly. He didn’t know what else to say, especially since Harry still hadn’t actually asked the question he said was coming. “You said there was a question to go with this?”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know there’s still a lot of time between now and then, but I was really hoping you would be my date. For the wedding.”

Louis scrunched up his face and laughed. “Harry, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’ve kind of already got a date to the wedding. He’s going to become your husband. That in and of itself is basically a built in date. You don’t need me as a back-up or anything. I think that’s pretty solid.”

“Wait, what?” Harry asked, rubbing his hand on his face before running it through his hair. “My husband? What are you talking about?”

Louis sat up then, because it was really difficult having this conversation with the romantic Christmas lighting without them being face to face.

“It’s your wedding, Harry. I wasn’t really expecting to have to spell this out,” Louis said, starting to feel defensive. Harry didn’t need to act dumb just to rub it in that Louis didn’t have a chance with him. It was actually pretty damn cruel of him to be insisting that he was asking Louis to be his date when he was just going to marry this other mystery man.

“It’s not my wedding, Lou,” Harry said slowly, a smile slowly growing and causing his dimples to pop out. “It’s Gemma’s. I’m her man of honor, and that would still leave me needing to find a date. What the hell, though? You and I have been basically dating for over two months now, and you thought I was getting married in April?”

That made Louis squawk. “We have not been dating! What? We’ve been hanging out and getting to know each other again!”

“Louis, oh my God.” Harry covered his face and started laughing. “Did you really not think all those dates were dates?”

Louis held his hands up as best he could on the couch and looked around the room. “I had no reason to think they were dates! Did we ever call them dates? I truly thought you were engaged to someone else and we were just rekindling an old friendship! We didn’t ever cuddle or hold hands or anything like that on purpose!”

“Except for stargazing,” Harry pointed out. “We cuddled then.”

“It was cold! I made an exception and hoped your fiance wouldn’t mind!”

“My non-existent fiance! Louis, I’ve only been engaged once and that was three years ago. It lasted a whole two weeks before we broke it off. Why did you think I was still engaged?”

“Because that’s the last I heard,” Louis argued, folding his arms across his chest and slumping into the couch. “No one told me otherwise and I had no reason to believe otherwise. I thought he lived in New York or something and that’s why you were getting married there.”

“Okay, but again, what about all our dates?!”

“Non-dates,” Louis corrected. “How was I supposed to know they were dates?”

“We never paid for ourselves!” Harry exclaimed. “We always paid for each other, we took turns. It’s what people do when they’re dating!”

“I thought we were just being nice and repaying the other in this endless cycle of being nice and friendly!” Louis said back. The pieces were all coming together for him now, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like he needed to defend himself. He’d been incredibly blind, and he felt ridiculous and stupid now. “Why didn’t you ever try to hold my hand or kiss me?” Louis asked. “We were so tactile that summer after high school. If we had been dating I’d have expected something like that at the very least.”

“We aren’t eighteen anymore,” Harry said with a smile. “Things change with time and age. Plus I thought you wanted to take it slow and was trying to follow your lead before making things physical.”

“I wasn’t making things physical because I thought you were marrying another man!”

“Looouuuuuu.” Harry drew out his name and reached for Louis. Grasping onto Louis’ hands, Louis watched as Harry’s thumbs gently stroked the backs of his hands like he used to. It felt so familiar and brand new at the same time. He couldn’t help but be transfixed by the movements. “I swear to you, I haven’t dated anyone in years and didn’t even consider the idea until you came back into my life. I broke it off with Kraig because we weren’t well suited. And, despite the fact it had been years since I’d spoken to you, deep down, I knew I was still in love with you.”

That made Louis’ eyes snap back up to Harry’s face. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” Harry said with a dimpled smile and a sigh. “I’ve loved you since we were eighteen, alright? I was just an idiot and thought I’d missed my chance.”

Louis felt like his heart was going to force its way out of his chest. He was hardly keeping his breathing in check, so there was definitely nothing he could do about the tears coursing down his cheeks. 

“I can’t believe you still love me,” Louis said, quietly. “Or that you ever loved me, for that matter. I thought I wasn’t even a blip to you, romantically, after the way you started dating someone so quickly in college.”

“I was young and rash and stupid,” Harry said. “But I also really didn’t think there was ever going to be a chance for the two of us to be in the same city or be able to build a life together, so I didn’t want to even try just to be disappointed.”

“I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend over Christmas,” Louis said, smirking. “I was going to start looking into government jobs or something on the east coast so I could be close to where you wanted to be for your journalism after college.”

Harry’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “No you weren’t.”

Louis nodded and scooted closer. “I really was.”

“But… your dream job was always with Apple…”

Louis shrugged. “Yeah, but I loved you. I didn’t care where I worked if it meant I got to have you beside me.”

“Fuck,” Harry said, crying now too. “Well. All these years later, we’ve come full circle and yet are so far away from where we were.”

Louis nodded. “So, does that mean we’re going to do this?”

“This being…” Harry asked, with a smirk as he wiped the lone tear that had fallen down his cheek.

“Dating. Boyfriends. Actually talking about this shit instead of whatever we had been doing and making assumptions.”

Harry let go of Louis’ other hand that he had still been gripping tightly and stood up, causing Louis’ heart to skip a beat in fear. It didn’t need to, though. Harry only turned to Louis and straddled him on the couch, his arms bracketing Louis in so they were as close as they could be without their mouths touching.

“Only if you agree to one more thing,” he whispered, eyes locked on Louis’ lips. 

Louis licked them and practically groaned at the feeling of Harry’s breath brushing over them lightly. He’d missed this so much, he felt a physical pull to close the distance.

“What’s that?” Louis asked, his own eyes having a hard time focusing on anything with Harry so close.

“Kiss me?” 

Louis didn’t wait any longer than that. He pushed up and their kiss was immediately filthy and hot and desperate. Louis felt like he was almost clawing into Harry’s back in an attempt to pull him even closer, despite the fact they were already pressed so fully into each other’s spaces.

“I love you,” Harry whispered before pressing in for another deep kiss. Louis fell back into the rhythm of their mouths and tongues, but he needed to say it back.

“Me too,” Louis panted, leaning in for another quick kiss. “I love you so much.”

They continued making out on the couch like they used to when they had the house to themselves when they were teens, but Louis was so engrossed in Harry that he didn’t even hear his mom return home.

The lights on the tree turned off, causing Louis to pull back from where he’d been working on a nice little mark on Harry’s neck so he could inspect what might have happened. Standing in the doorway was Jay.

“Have a good night, boys. Might I suggest you move this to your room for some privacy, though?” she said, and Louis could  _ hear _ the smirk in her voice.

“Thanks, Jay,” Harry said, chuckling before dropping his head to Louis’ shoulder. “Think she hates me?” he whispered.

Louis snorted as he listened to her make her way upstairs. “If she hated you she never would have suggested we move this to my room. I do like her suggestion, too. Don’t you?”

Harry sat up, and Louis had never been so grateful for the streetlight just in front of their house as he was then. It lit Harry’s face just enough for Louis to see him smiling and nodding quickly.

“Yes, please. Let’s go.”

Louis hummed and as they both stood up, trying to right their clothes quickly before Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and led the way to his room. 

“Hey,” Harry said, pulling Louis’ hand gently before they started up the stairs. 

“Yeah?” Louis asked, turning around.

“Happy birthday, Lou. I love you.”

“Thanks, love. Merry Christmas.”

*~~***~~*

Harry stared at himself in the mirror, pleased with how the tux looked. He hadn’t been sure at first, but now he could see that Gemma had been right when she said this style was best suited to his figure. It was trim and classy and he felt incredible in it.

“Ready?” Anne asked as she peeked into the room. “They’re starting the final song before the march and I think you’re the only one we’re waiting to get into place now.”

Nodding his head, Harry flattened his hand down the pink vest and took a deep breath. It was time.

Harry joined the rest of the party and the flower girl that was waiting in line to walk the aisle. Stepping up beside Gemma, Harry leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You look gorgeous,” he said quietly. 

“Hush and don’t touch me,” she said, swatting him away. “If you ruin my makeup I’m going to kill you. I barely fit into the dress as it is.”

Harry looked down at her matching pink dress and the tiny little baby bump she was sporting. It was still small enough, most wouldn’t even realize that’s what it was. It was adorable and he loved it.

“Ready to get married?” she asked, arching her brow. “I still can’t believe we’re both getting married in the same year.”

Harry chuckled. “I know. We just didn’t want to wait anymore.”

Gemma nodded. “Yeah, you’ve done enough of that. Both of you.”

The wedding march began to play, and the procession began to move. Harry’s heart was racing in excitement. He knew exactly what Louis would be wearing, and they’d seen each other when they ate breakfast together in their apartment that morning, but he hadn’t seen Louis standing there, surrounded by the entire wedding party and the flowers they had chosen together. He knew it was going to be the most beautiful view he would ever have in his life.

As he stepped through the door, the wind was nearly knocked from him as he and Louis smiled widely at each other. Louis was already crying and subtly trying to wipe his cheeks, and Harry knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer either. He never thought he would get to be this happy, but now a year after they reunited, there they were. Ready to commit to each other in front of their friends and family.

Once he was finally standing in front of Louis, they both reached for each other’s hands. Feeling Louis’ tight grip in his was grounding enough so Harry could almost pay attention to what Liam was saying as he officiated. Almost.

All he kept thinking was how far they’d come and how much further they had to go, but this time together. Louis had some job options lined up and decisions had to be made still, but they had each other. That was the most important thing. 

Smiling widely at Louis, Harry took his cue from Liam and, as clearly as he possibly could, he spoke. “I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading! If you liked it, please consider leaving kudos, a nice comment, and possibly jumping over to tumblr to give my [fic post](https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/tagged/my-fic-post) a reblog. I'll love you forever if you do! :D
> 
> You can also find the masterpost for the entire fest [here](https://dinosaursmate.tumblr.com/post/188986543361/to-celebrate-fours-fifth-birthday-one-fic-each). Please support and love the other fics and writers as well!


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